Driving Ms.Daisy or Daneen or Dai or Damini

*This blog reflects my own thoughts, though may offend some, are purely observations and are based on a year's worth of road craze*

M- "I bet that is an old American ajji (granny in Kannada) enroute to test whether she is legally blind"
A- "Eh, dont say that...(M in the meantime expecting to be reprimanded for such a racist and insensitive comment)...this is an '08 Honda Civic, not something an American ajji would drive, this is certainly a Chinky aunty"
M (impressed) - "Wait, once I overtake her, (which isnt too far) we can decide for ourselves"

<2 lane changes and a twinge of homesickness later>

M (quite disappointed in her judgement, not quite a frequent occurrence, one may say) - "Ashoo, (wow in Kannada slang) correct man! well done, you were right!! Ok, now there is a Lexus RX ahead cruising at 50 in a 65mph lane...and carpool too! Now THAT, my dear fellow is a Chinky aunty"



So, how did such a sweet south indian brahmin girl turn into such a racist, biased, caustic, arrogant, insensitive soul, you ask? Well, in her acceptable speech will be thanking the innumerable road trips, grey rainy days chock-a-block with traffic, and yes, a husband rambling about all the tech/political/sports/music news he had read from a trusted news source, Twitter (lets not talk about the blogger's opines about that!) to tune out everything and just sit back....and...observe!

I have always had a fascination to people watching and car color matching (have you ever wondered how you will always see cars drive by in pairs of the same color? Its weird, trust me, try it and you will know!)...but 28 years later, I have begun to weave cultural and personality connections through all my musings.

Anywho, when it comes to virtues or the lack thereof, there is no better place than the road, it makes for live entertainment and for all the reality TV suckers out there stuck behind the wheel, the next few thoughts are penned solely for you (but wait, you wouldnt be reading this if you are home, oh wait, maybe you are, because you are a passenger on the road..then read quick and begin relishing the entertainment out there!)

Driving and sports (well, isnt driving a sport?I digress...) are two areas I think which really reveal the true fabric of an individual's personality...why, you ask? Here's why...vanity, patience, honesty/integrity, respect and selflessness are some qualities you can discern, while ADD, hypertension, fatigue, depression are a few red flags that also pop up about the drivers' physiology/psyche and of course, it tells a LOT about the culture and race, key characteristics portrayed in all aspects of global economy, politics and religion.

Virtuosity: the whole algorithm for deriving data respectful enough for a matrimony site is quite easy to construct:
For starters, Car make/model (vanity), speeding (patience, competitiveness, poor time keeper, well, you get the idea), beating a traffic light (integrity, respectfulness), making way graciously for others (competitiveness, sportiness, respectfulness), helping a stranded stranger (selflessness, respectfulness, a rarity in short)...easy clues to build the skeleton. Then you begin to add the nuances of vintage model/make, age of the driver (flashy new car with a balding gentleman...well mid life crisis it is or a grand ol' Delray with a young man who has never seen the early 1970s makes a rather intriguing individual or a wine connoisseur. me thinks) or you can look at the stickers behind a car..easy giveaways of the person's interests or background as well as what they value most in life...family, pets, politics, technology (my personal favorite was a jeep cherokee whose rear window was plastered with all the national parks in the North American continent)

So what's with the medical practitioner claim? Well, here it is...if you spot a lady with 2 kids, frothing at the mouth yelling at her messy iPhone, unsurely changing lanes while her speed is anywhere between 45-75 in a span of 2 minutes (never been introduced to the cruise control nor the slowest lane) you have a classic frazzled mom who has way too much time mismanagement and a problem to say "No" to anybody on our side. These are classic causes of hypertension, acidity, insomnia and maybe fatigue)......or wait, I spotted this one today..a 20 something who really had her indicator lights broken, had a thing for messy car and person, black rap, eating out of a can while driving on the freeway - classic symptom of a rebel with a binging problem and depression.

What about culture/ Well, you know, us Indians really always have someone to blame for all our problems....corruption, poverty, non-civic sense well, lets not go there...but when I see someone from the subcontinent anywhere in my steering vicinity, then it is red flag brother! We change lanes mindlessly, always appear frustrated with other drivers and have ridiculously capacious minivans which refuse to go 5 miles over speed limit - 5!!! My personal favorite, throwing plastic covers stealthily out of a car just before exiting the freeway...tsk! So I can write copious blogs about the other cultures, but it really is crossing the line, I think..so let me give you the clues:

So you are now staring at the rear of a Toyota Corolla, 86-97 make, spurting out noxious fumes to make the "Aryans" proud...added to that, windows are rolled down and happy waving arms appear at the windows while it appears all the individuals are having a very entertaining conversation and really seem to be enjoying every minute on the road (now I get a tad jealous)..who are they?

How about a posh SUV with the driver's seat pulled 2 inches from the front of the seat, raised about 5 inches from the floor...the car careening at 45 mph on a 70 mph freeway while very cautiously treading on the lane dividers having the rest of the drivers guessing which lane will be chosen for the chariot to be ridden on..,..more so, the driver really has such terrible hand-eye coordination that makes us wonder if their actions have ever correlated with what their words have tried to indicate....nigah!

Now comes the driver whose blind spot encompasses the entire side window and has never EVER been inside a Toyota/Honda or hell, an internet cafe...maybe they can stop attending all the tea parties and hat makers in the area to stop-by and post ads for younger, more well sighted,err,suited drivers!

As you can tell, this really has been my ode to all the drivers whose paths have crossed mine and made life so much more entertaining....I am REALLY sorry if I have offended anyone, but I have truly begun to appreciate cultures, people and gotten to be a lot more introspective about my actions as well....now lets get back on the road people, we have miles to go and thousands to see :)

Knotty subject

Ok, this has been an article floating around the promenades of the web for a few days now, but all this time it has been doing the rounds along my neurons too. My instant response to this survey that more women (educated too) are changing their last names to their husbands'....ladies, "what were you thinking!!", but then, it does solve so many problems, doesnt it?

Problems solved:
- Immigration: Why fill in 2 customs paperwork if we share the same last name...after an interminably long flight, the last thing groggy eyed travelers would not want to write their Passport, flight, customs details twice over! But more so, I see these 2 surname issue being a post-vacation "DOA"...."So you actually spent $500 on gifts for your office personnel, $300 on your mom, $100 on our dog!!".."I should have never snoozed on the beach and let you go shopping..$1500 for a purse smaller than my wallet! $500 for a pair of shoes...we didnt have to buy $300 worth orchids!!!" Oh well, you get the picture. Now if there was just one person filling in, then there would only have to be one apologetic spouse, one make-up evening and there, forgiven and long forgotten!
- Govt/Legal form applications: same last name? Cool! So you really wont have to worry about all the paperwork and proof of marriage id problems...but dude, try buying a house with 2 surnames, now we are talking! Make that 2400 places to sign and not 1200!!
- Personal address: Now comes the touchy subject to me...mail addressed to Mrs.Ravindra - whoa, I am turning into my MIL! She is a sweetheart, dont get me wrong, but my husband doesnt have an Oedipus complex, does he? I am my father's daughter, with a last name which a handful in the US can read without squinting and boy, am I proud of it!

What the women claim this move helps solve:
- Proof of Love, pride for husband: I think these ladies belong to the ones who tout these lines: "he completes me", "my life loses meaning without him", "he is an integral part of me"..fine then he has completed your surname too!!! These are wonderful feelings to have, I must confess, I have made those corny statements too (and what's even worse) and meant it! But that doesnt mean I skip to the nearest govt office and get my surname changed...ahem...no thanks! I know other ways to prove my love and (in my case, sullenly admit) gratitude.
- Making children's naming easier: Are you serious? If naming a child is so hard, then how would you raise one - what religion -will they be spiritual or religious? or what meat-eating variety would you raise them to be - or do you want them to go fruit-arian? There are harder things to resolve than a name...just ensure that you dont give the child such a pathetic name (like 2 surnames for a name - have you seen some Indian ones? I am so sorry for those kids!) ensuring they will be the butt of all their years in school...that is all. There are bigger parenting concerns than naming conventions!
- Team name!!! My colleagues did point out this one to be quite a mood buster. Kids will have to go through the "you poor thing, are your parents divorced?", "are they planning to get 'knotty'?"...well, you get the drift. Now that makes me think, if such questions are being posed to kids, then we are much better off not being in touch with such questioners!

Why do I oppose it - changing my surname, that is:
- Not militant feminist, but just suffer from 'id-ocd': Hindu customs require the bride to relinquish her family tree (aka gothra) and embrace her husband's instead...personally I am all against that too, because one event just does not merit a change of where I come from, who shares my genes, where I hail from, my ancestry, in short. It just doesnt make sense - I am not against social conventions of the kids taking over the husband's side...hell, I married him, there must be something terrific about him, so why not let the kids share that? However my OCD is around the fact that without my permission, my identity is taken away from me due to tradition/religion (just that merits another blog, anywho...) and if society thinks it is 'advisable' and 'acceptable' to change my one remaining link (my surname) to my origin, then fuggettabboutit! As you can see, my objection is not because of any 'men Vs. women' debate, but more so 'society cannot dictate' debate.
-Ok, a lot of my friends have taken all the benefits from my first-last name: having the same letter for my initials makes it quirky enough to call me...MM, MM squared, 3M, MMOhz....now imagine those being replaced by Malvika (yaaaawn, yes, thats my name, but yaaawn anyway), Mal (that is only for a select few, so sorry), MA (Ugh! In my mother tongue kannada, thats a bucolic way of calling a buffalo!), MMA (Goodness! Lets not go there)

I dont know what happens next, but if educated women are taking this one up, then I think this maybe because they feel like they are shortchanging their husbands with longer working hours and more demanding professions, better financial independence, higher pay grade, more popularity - having trophy husbands, succinctly put.... so....

Either the metrosexuals and equal opportunity ideals kick in stronger and society accepts a new norm of independent spirited families or more women tend to keep the sleeping tiger in deep slumber and tackle bigger problems, there is..

What I'd like though, if the current trend continues, is for men to wake up and smell the coffee....they need to brew a new cup for HRH..remember she changed her name for you? Can you also do the dishes, laundry, walk the dog, get the groceries, pay the bills, massage my back? - I changed my name, remember??? Now that's a Smart move ladies!

Yours Truly,
Malvika MANJUNATH

Do you remember??

The last few days have been extremely busy at work, yet filled with reminiscences. Major changes await me the next few days, and I find myself recollecting all the highs and lows, all my friends and foes....and for someone, who believed all this while that I had nothing noteworthy or memorable in my life....was left bewildered..no, surprised that I actually did!
If memory serves me right ;-)....these are constant questions I have about what "memory" mean to me...

Is it a fragrance so strong, that still awakens me in the night,
Is it a walk so distinct that makes me turn and crave to follow,
Is it a tone that rings a bell of someone special,
Is it a tune that brings a spring in your step and a hum in your voice,
Is it a touch so soft that brings tears to your eyes,
Is it a habit to make you a replica of someone loved,
Is it a sport that drains you leaving all flushed and emotional,
Is it a feeling that overwhelms you for no rhyme or reason and short of breath,
whatever memories are, they are definitely emotions that leaves you reborn, and invites a person you had forgotten to resurface and rejuvenate a dull day....

Being half way across the globe has taught me one thing....one does not need to have physical reminders to call memories...these are emotions, really strong emotions that have defined the person I am, that remind me of the human I want to be, and these are somethings so personal and strong, that no matter what adventures await me, I will always have these precious reminders of times so fond....and a reminder of what I truly love in my life....

I hope each one of us will take the time and sit back or kick up our heels and thank life for all that it has to offer and has offered to us......

Cheers!

Food for thought

So, the argument continues.......the war of words between the developed and the developing countries. The latest being the food crisis that has hit Africa and South America. So many thoughts in my mind right now......is there a right and a wrong between the words that are being exchanged? Bush says burgeoning middle class in India and China are the cause for the crisis! While India says, stop giving an $8 billion dollar subsidy to farmers for biofuel production. There are others who are crying for more help, but not the way these countries have been playing it all this while.....it is more of the "teach the beggar to fish and feed him for life" moral involved here -and I take the side of the group that demands it.

When Bush once again displayed his Nobel prize winning economics brilliance (seriously, this guy and all his advisors are mentally challenged!) that having developing countries eat more is a major cause for the food crisis, I really wanted to stuff things up his a%^!!! Alright, we accept that our population explosion is no longer India's bane, but the entire world's too...and yes, we need to step up our efforts to keep a check on that, however, complaining that the middle class is now eating three hearty meals a day is ridiculous!!! This is a blatant display of the US and other developed nations trying to maintain their stranglehold over the control they possess over the rest of the world. I may be highly emotional here, but I seriously think this attitude only spells imminent disaster! Instead of trying to find a solution here, India blames the US for encouraging its farmers to steer their land towards biofuels for more cash, while the US demands that India remove its export cap on agri products. Well, who is right?

I, for one, am aware that not having such an export cap will only drive a large chunk of the population to starvation - imagine the incentive to these local producers to see a phenomenal increase in earnings when they begin exporting their products overseas - the same old food shortage saga of the Indira Gandhi reign will reappear! Nobody wants that!!! What can the US do about it? We cannot simply say that the country has to conserve its biofuel production plans- I have lived here, and the lifestyle these people lead, demands such necessities. So, what can be done?

Well, for starters, US needs to shed its image of being the kind hearted rich neighbor and feeding the poorer nations (Africa never seems to take the initiative to improve.....why cant they be taught to survive on their own and make the Nat Geo photographers to capture more heartrending scenes in other nations!!). Instead of Bush steering $770 million towards emergency food aid, why cant that money be used to help teach Africans to cultivate, earn and self sustain themselves- give that continent an opportunity to shed its image of poverty and utter grief). Yes, the local farmers will go in upraising when they no longer see their products, but their cash being sent overseas, but having subsidies of $8 billion for biofuel, US has itself created a major shortage in supply for other nations. Countries like India and China need to start looking at avenues to increase agricultural returns, maybe even fund more towards research to obtain the most of the resources available. We hardly seem to contain our population here, so another mighty effort needs to be address this issue as well. Yes, our middle class population of 300 million is more than that of the consumers in the US, that is reason enough to make our leaders sit up and take notice. Our power is growing globally, we can no longer whine and complain at every single WTO conference.....the time is now, and we need to act!!!!
Right now, the only thing that bothers me is that when I go grocery shopping the next time, I will have to think twice before buying another kilo of rice...it is way too expensive and also, the advertisements in TV to curtail surplus buying is haunting......

A(L)Lure

It is 6:00 in the morning....India's Topsy turvy sports run over the last few days has left me so disenchanted with things.....once again! Hockey, sigh...let us not even go there (seriously people, I am betting all my money..or whatever is left of it, on our very own kabaddi team. At least these guys are as much as, if not more than, in love with the game than KPS Gill is, with his power and money!) Such a disappointment, such disgrace, such naivety while handling this implosion.....while the rest of the world points and critiques.....and what do we do? Instead of working on setting things right, we blame the referees!!! Come on folks....grow up!!!! So, I then move to another section of the sports section of my favorite news sites....only to see our Indian cricket team crumble like a pack of cards! I guess my dad's hypothesis is right...these players want to be be fit for the IPL...such a shame! But ok, I will not rant and rave about cricket...we still pulled some glamorous wins recently......

So, now...I have nothing interesting left to peruse.....so I decide to hit the gym. Hey, who says MBA leaves you no time to exercise...I so totally do...bike nowhere, while I read the day's case study.....anyway, let me not digress....let me talk about the reason I decided to pen a few thoughts.....of course, this continues with the trend of my US discovery......
I am a 25 year old, reading a case study on Zara, while I see a perky 18 something reading "Allure"....a fashion magazine, I presumed looking at the weird outfits that the models had donned..anyway, so she is chewing gum (like a cow!!! they would all idolize Steve Waugh, for sure!) and reading "how to survive aging.....post 25"!!! Ok, firstly, I am a geek reading my course work in the gym.....to make matters worse this high pony tailed, perky, masticating, mass of protoplasm is reading about "old age"....what was more insulting, you ask.....whether I felt "uncool"...or whether I felt "old"!!! Well, it seems to me, I felt like a bit of both....more like a dressed down mummy-with neither an opulent tomb nor a eulogy glorifying my beauty!!! So I pedaled harder with more intensity and while the bike began to creak, this new born turned towards me and said "tough case, huh?".....I stammered and stuttered while I was thinking "this 'diva' has acknowledged my presence....acknowledged the presence of an unmade 25 year old maid with a numb expression plastered on her face" ...."Oh no....this is one of the more interesting cases that I have read...". Then I spoke.....I had to....am not famous for being the foot in mouth champion for nothing...."that article looks really (I dont think she got the sarcasm) interesting...what does it say?", after which her eyes lit up and she started with the signature American "Ummmm"....."oh, yeah!! This is all about aging gracefully, you know......its like (!!!) ...you know....its like growing old without wrinkles...and tips on how we can postpone that to our thirties (WHAT!!!!!!!!! you numskull....thirties are when women are in their prime....past their acne, insecurity and immaturity..past the catching practice they give to all the OBG docs...what do you know!). So, this article says that we need to ......." Ok, that was when I tuned out and ruminated over the irony of life....it was only yesterday, when I made an effort to look presentable and got a few appreciative nods from my girl friends (yes, I do have girl friends now!) and now I have been brought crashing back to earth!! :( and then......and then......she saved herself from definite murder when she said "what do you do with your skin???? Its like...so tough to be doing your business course and also work on your looks..you know....trying to push this praaaablem away. Arent you scared of crossing 25? and you know...its like.....all downhill from there".........wait a minute....wait a minute...Mal, dont turn towards your hatchet.....this red head in fact thinks you are not 25.....she is not so dumb after all :P Aaaah, the bliss of not looking as old as you felt just a moment ago! the thrill of the vanishing act of your intense desire to make a dash for cover before the beeeeaaauuuuties of the US see you.....aaaah, this is heaven!
Ok, this is when it hit me.....I too had been lured into this maze of beauty and fashion and superficiality.....all these years, I dove into my pile of jeans and T-shirts blissfully unaware of fashion, aging, appearance, poise, grace, make up.....and now, I feel so naked.....peer pressure really is so bloody effective. this country is really specializing in serving most things "junk"...food, news, trends, entertainment......man! I really rue the day when the world accepted American beliefs as "trendy"....this is really quite shameful for the rest of the world....but wait, this is not about the rest of the world....why did I get sucked into this blackhole of appearance when my priorities in life are the exact opposite...when I have never been raised to consider appearances as anything close to life changing, when all that has lured me in life is success and a sense of achievement....but what if all these things are what these girls are looking for in life? I see no reason why they should not get so concerned about turning 25 (sniff......no matter how much I refuse this, it still hurts to be tottering towards a different target survey group).....

Let me not get into this diatribe about American media, ideology, lifestyle....I only felt quite duped, felt like an idiot for suspecting my own value...and for disowning the rest of the fashion challenged members of the fairer sex!! Well, I do feel lured into this trap...I really do, and I cannot stop thinking about it!

Sunday ho ya Monday........Roz khao andey!!!!

This really infuriates me!!! Brings back so many memories and unpleasant ones too, when I was made to believe that my "pulchaar" diet was my Achilles Heel....well, excuse me, for being so inflexible to refuse to compromise some practices and beliefs instilled in me. I am not sure if I am speaking for the rest of the vegetarian sportspersons, but this notion of dietary habits helping people gain strength is really not validated.
What annoys me, is that there is hardly any basis for people to change their dietary styles in order to be faster, stronger and reach higher echelons in their events. I personally believe this is the incompetency of the coaches and nutriotionists who find the easier way out for themselves by forcing their proteges to incorporate non vegetarian diets. it is a real dilemma for these kids when they are advised such things....I remeber the time when I was advise to eat bone soup (ugh!!!) to help me gain more strength to throw the iron ball a few meters farther. I can never forget the confusion and torment that was reflected off my mother's face when she heard my coach say this. Of course, at the end of the day I only began having more calcium and protein in my diet, (which, fyi, the coach admitted) that provided the asme results. So, why the bias towards the non-vegetarian diet? Ok, it has its benefits.....athletes when they travel find it easier to maintain their regime and dietary regulations, they can easily switch between coaches and experts without having to worry about lifestyle changes, they can also find better company on and off the field....all important, I agree, however, there are certain things that simply cannot be compromised.
After my arrival in the US, there has not been a day that has passed by when I have wondered how I have been taught to conveniently overloook the non vegetarian meal options that I am offered and go straight for the simpler and more 'boring' servings. I also tend to miss out on tasty outings simply bevcause of the choice of mine ...but I am not unhappy because of this. I am in fact glad that I have still retained certain practices despite various difficulaties. I managed to do fairly well in sports despite my "chatni puDi" and "anna saaru" diets, I was topping my class with just spinach and milk.....no cod liver or fish or chicken for me, thank you very much....
Let me draw your attention to the famousvegetarian sportspersons, a relatively small percentage, I agree, but successful never the less. Serena Williams, Carl Lewins, Bill JEan King, MArtina Navratilova and of course, our very own Sachin Tendulkar, Anil Kumble and Javagal Srinath. Their speed, strength and agility are undeniable talked about all over the world, yet there are "experts" in this area who talk about changing diets and practices. What made fellow athletes I knew to stick by their vegetarianism was not obstinacy...well, now that I have ranted and raved, will head back to work!

:)....... :(......... :O.... :D..........;)

What a year...what a year...what a year!!!! My head simply spins with all the events in my life the past 12 months....yeah, yeah, I know that it is a tad late to pen "the year that was" in my life....and not that there are many clamoring to read it anyway...but just want to satiate and appease my rather burgeoning ego, I have decided to brush all my assignments and write ups aside (if my team mates are reading this, then sorry folks,.....a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do!!)
UPs: Finally get to have cereal at 9:00 PM and gorge on granola bars every day :D...ok, am out of my mom's reach, and hence..I admit!!!
I can wear the most outrageous combination of outfits with nobody grimacing about my appearance!!! However, I am also introduced to the new "orderly" me....sigh...I never thought I could be such a stuck-up person; but well, knowing what awaits me in the future, I guess it is the best thing that I have realized about myself ;)
Met my best pals.....life was just not the same without them back in Bangalore......am I now home?? Well, if only they could cook like mom, joke like dad, argue like my granny...then maybe, yeah, I am home!! So...guys, c'mon...buck up :)
Finally reintroduced myself to the challenges of deadlines, discussions, studies, exams....man! Can I be any "geekier"??
And of course......every single day I am being introduced to diplomacy and sticking to my ground....a battle of beliefs is underway and I love the way I am wading my way through...more when I have been safely insured and accepted in certain circles :P

DOWNs: Turned 25 (why God why!!!! I never thought I would get to see this day, but sigh....looks like you have other plans for me :P)
Could not execute my master plan to smuggle my granny's book collection...miss every single book waiting to jump out of the overstuffed attic, shelves drawers and all the hidden getaways at home!
Cannot drive as and how my heart or hands dictate anymore :(( Miss my darling red stallion!! These folks here drive like herded sheep!! Bah...no challenges anymore!!
"whazzat" - one word....err, is that two??....I am TIRED of listening to....who knew that Indians spoken "unintelligibly" half way across the world! Anyway, once more I hear that word...one tight slap only!! I do plan to record my change of accents depending on the color and nationality of the person I am speaking to....will make me sound like one of Walt Disney's creations!!
Not having told people exactly what I thought of them before I made a run for the nearest door...I am not sure what this makes me...but some people.... really deserved some sound talking to!!!
I have changed my plans for the future drastically; wonder if I would have trodden this path if I knew what was in store for me.....well, lets just add another what if in my life!
I miss having some intense and deep conversations everyday. I know the person who I am eluding to, shares the same sentiment. Miss you pal!!!! Loads!!!!!!!
I regret not having met so many people I wanted to meet before I departed to the alien nation....makes me think about the sort of friend I am in absentia!

Now that 2008 has begun and my break time has ended.....I am now ready to get back to the future!!!! I wish everyone has a great 2008!!!
Cheers!