"Mal" is in wonderland!

Driving Ms.Daisy or Daneen or Dai or Damini

2011-10-20T19:14:00.004-07:00

*This blog reflects my own thoughts, though may offend some, are purely observations and are based on a year's worth of road craze*

M- "I bet that is an old American ajji (granny in Kannada) enroute to test whether she is legally blind"
A- "Eh, dont say that...(M in the meantime expecting to be reprimanded for such a racist and insensitive comment)...this is an '08 Honda Civic, not something an American ajji would drive, this is certainly a Chinky aunty"
M (impressed) - "Wait, once I overtake her, (which isnt too far) we can decide for ourselves"

<2 lane changes and a twinge of homesickness later>

M (quite disappointed in her judgement, not quite a frequent occurrence, one may say) - "Ashoo, (wow in Kannada slang) correct man! well done, you were right!! Ok, now there is a Lexus RX ahead cruising at 50 in a 65mph lane...and carpool too! Now THAT, my dear fellow is a Chinky aunty"

So, how did such a sweet south indian brahmin girl turn into such a racist, biased, caustic, arrogant, insensitive soul, you ask? Well, in her acceptable speech will be thanking the innumerable road trips, grey rainy days chock-a-block with traffic, and yes, a husband rambling about all the tech/political/sports/music news he had read from a trusted news source, Twitter (lets not talk about the blogger's opines about that!) to tune out everything and just sit back....and...observe!

I have always had a fascination to people watching and car color matching (have you ever wondered how you will always see cars drive by in pairs of the same color? Its weird, trust me, try it and you will know!)...but 28 years later, I have begun to weave cultural and personality connections through all my musings.

Anywho, when it comes to virtues or the lack thereof, there is no better place than the road, it makes for live entertainment and for all the reality TV suckers out there stuck behind the wheel, the next few thoughts are penned solely for you (but wait, you wouldnt be reading this if you are home, oh wait, maybe you are, because you are a passenger on the road..then read quick and begin relishing the entertainment out there!)

Driving and sports (well, isnt driving a sport?I digress...) are two areas I think which really reveal the true fabric of an individual's personality...why, you ask? Here's why...vanity, patience, honesty/integrity, respect and selflessness are some qualities you can discern, while ADD, hypertension, fatigue, depression are a few red flags that also pop up about the drivers' physiology/psyche and of course, it tells a LOT about the culture and race, key characteristics portrayed in all aspects of global economy, politics and religion.

Virtuosity: the whole algorithm for deriving data respectful enough for a matrimony site is quite easy to construct:
For starters, Car make/model (vanity), speeding (patience, competitiveness, poor time keeper, well, you get the idea), beating a traffic light (integrity, respectfulness), making way graciously for others (competitiveness, sportiness, respectfulness), helping a stranded stranger (selflessness, respectfulness, a rarity in short)...easy clues to build the skeleton. Then you begin to add the nuances of vintage model/make, age of the driver (flashy new car with a balding gentleman...well mid life crisis it is or a grand ol' Delray with a young man who has never seen the early 1970s makes a rather intriguing individual or a wine connoisseur. me thinks) or you can look at the stickers behind a car..easy giveaways of the person's interests or background as well as what they value most in life...family, pets, politics, technology (my personal favorite was a jeep cherokee whose rear window was plastered with all the national parks in the North American continent)

So what's with the medical practitioner claim? Well, here it is...if you spot a lady with 2 kids, frothing at the mouth yelling at her messy iPhone, unsurely changing lanes while her speed is anywhere between 45-75 in a span of 2 minutes (never been introduced to the cruise control nor the slowest lane) you have a classic frazzled mom who has way too much time mismanagement and a problem to say "No" to anybody on our side. These are classic causes of hypertension, acidity, insomnia and maybe fatigue)......or wait, I spotted this one today..a 20 something who really had her indicator lights broken, had a thing for messy car and person, black rap, eating out of a can while driving on the freeway - classic symptom of a rebel with a binging problem and depression.

What about culture/ Well, you know, us Indians really always have someone to blame for all our problems....corruption, poverty, non-civic sense well, lets not go there...but when I see someone from the subcontinent anywhere in my steering vicinity, then it is red flag brother! We change lanes mindlessly, always appear frustrated with other drivers and have ridiculously capacious minivans which refuse to go 5 miles over speed limit - 5!!! My personal favorite, throwing plastic covers stealthily out of a car just before exiting the freeway...tsk! So I can write copious blogs about the other cultures, but it really is crossing the line, I think..so let me give you the clues:

So you are now staring at the rear of a Toyota Corolla, 86-97 make, spurting out noxious fumes to make the "Aryans" proud...added to that, windows are rolled down and happy waving arms appear at the windows while it appears all the individuals are having a very entertaining conversation and really seem to be enjoying every minute on the road (now I get a tad jealous)..who are they?

How about a posh SUV with the driver's seat pulled 2 inches from the front of the seat, raised about 5 inches from the floor...the car careening at 45 mph on a 70 mph freeway while very cautiously treading on the lane dividers having the rest of the drivers guessing which lane will be chosen for the chariot to be ridden on..,..more so, the driver really has such terrible hand-eye coordination that makes us wonder if their actions have ever correlated with what their words have tried to indicate....nigah!

Now comes the driver whose blind spot encompasses the entire side window and has never EVER been inside a Toyota/Honda or hell, an internet cafe...maybe they can stop attending all the tea parties and hat makers in the area to stop-by and post ads for younger, more well sighted,err,suited drivers!

As you can tell, this really has been my ode to all the drivers whose paths have crossed mine and made life so much more entertaining....I am REALLY sorry if I have offended anyone, but I have truly begun to appreciate cultures, people and gotten to be a lot more introspective about my actions as well....now lets get back on the road people, we have miles to go and thousands to see :)

Knotty subject

2011-09-21T09:50:00.007-07:00

Ok, this has been an article floating around the promenades of the web for a few days now, but all this time it has been doing the rounds along my neurons too. My instant response to this survey that more women (educated too) are changing their last names to their husbands'....ladies, "what were you thinking!!", but then, it does solve so many problems, doesnt it?

Problems solved:
- Immigration: Why fill in 2 customs paperwork if we share the same last name...after an interminably long flight, the last thing groggy eyed travelers would not want to write their Passport, flight, customs details twice over! But more so, I see these 2 surname issue being a post-vacation "DOA"...."So you actually spent $500 on gifts for your office personnel, $300 on your mom, $100 on our dog!!".."I should have never snoozed on the beach and let you go shopping..$1500 for a purse smaller than my wallet! $500 for a pair of shoes...we didnt have to buy $300 worth orchids!!!" Oh well, you get the picture. Now if there was just one person filling in, then there would only have to be one apologetic spouse, one make-up evening and there, forgiven and long forgotten!
- Govt/Legal form applications: same last name? Cool! So you really wont have to worry about all the paperwork and proof of marriage id problems...but dude, try buying a house with 2 surnames, now we are talking! Make that 2400 places to sign and not 1200!!
- Personal address: Now comes the touchy subject to me...mail addressed to Mrs.Ravindra - whoa, I am turning into my MIL! She is a sweetheart, dont get me wrong, but my husband doesnt have an Oedipus complex, does he? I am my father's daughter, with a last name which a handful in the US can read without squinting and boy, am I proud of it!

What the women claim this move helps solve:
- Proof of Love, pride for husband: I think these ladies belong to the ones who tout these lines: "he completes me", "my life loses meaning without him", "he is an integral part of me"..fine then he has completed your surname too!!! These are wonderful feelings to have, I must confess, I have made those corny statements too (and what's even worse) and meant it! But that doesnt mean I skip to the nearest govt office and get my surname changed...ahem...no thanks! I know other ways to prove my love and (in my case, sullenly admit) gratitude.
- Making children's naming easier: Are you serious? If naming a child is so hard, then how would you raise one - what religion -will they be spiritual or religious? or what meat-eating variety would you raise them to be - or do you want them to go fruit-arian? There are harder things to resolve than a name...just ensure that you dont give the child such a pathetic name (like 2 surnames for a name - have you seen some Indian ones? I am so sorry for those kids!) ensuring they will be the butt of all their years in school...that is all. There are bigger parenting concerns than naming conventions!
- Team name!!! My colleagues did point out this one to be quite a mood buster. Kids will have to go through the "you poor thing, are your parents divorced?", "are they planning to get 'knotty'?"...well, you get the drift. Now that makes me think, if such questions are being posed to kids, then we are much better off not being in touch with such questioners!

Why do I oppose it - changing my surname, that is:
- Not militant feminist, but just suffer from 'id-ocd': Hindu customs require the bride to relinquish her family tree (aka gothra) and embrace her husband's instead...personally I am all against that too, because one event just does not merit a change of where I come from, who shares my genes, where I hail from, my ancestry, in short. It just doesnt make sense - I am not against social conventions of the kids taking over the husband's side...hell, I married him, there must be something terrific about him, so why not let the kids share that? However my OCD is around the fact that without my permission, my identity is taken away from me due to tradition/religion (just that merits another blog, anywho...) and if society thinks it is 'advisable' and 'acceptable' to change my one remaining link (my surname) to my origin, then fuggettabboutit! As you can see, my objection is not because of any 'men Vs. women' debate, but more so 'society cannot dictate' debate.
-Ok, a lot of my friends have taken all the benefits from my first-last name: having the same letter for my initials makes it quirky enough to call me...MM, MM squared, 3M, MMOhz....now imagine those being replaced by Malvika (yaaaawn, yes, thats my name, but yaaawn anyway), Mal (that is only for a select few, so sorry), MA (Ugh! In my mother tongue kannada, thats a bucolic way of calling a buffalo!), MMA (Goodness! Lets not go there)

I dont know what happens next, but if educated women are taking this one up, then I think this maybe because they feel like they are shortchanging their husbands with longer working hours and more demanding professions, better financial independence, higher pay grade, more popularity - having trophy husbands, succinctly put.... so....

Either the metrosexuals and equal opportunity ideals kick in stronger and society accepts a new norm of independent spirited families or more women tend to keep the sleeping tiger in deep slumber and tackle bigger problems, there is..

What I'd like though, if the current trend continues, is for men to wake up and smell the coffee....they need to brew a new cup for HRH..remember she changed her name for you? Can you also do the dishes, laundry, walk the dog, get the groceries, pay the bills, massage my back? - I changed my name, remember??? Now that's a Smart move ladies!

Yours Truly,
Malvika MANJUNATH

Do you remember??

2008-07-11T19:59:00.002-07:00

The last few days have been extremely busy at work, yet filled with reminiscences. Major changes await me the next few days, and I find myself recollecting all the highs and lows, all my friends and foes....and for someone, who believed all this while that I had nothing noteworthy or memorable in my life....was left bewildered..no, surprised that I actually did!
If memory serves me right ;-)....these are constant questions I have about what "memory" mean to me...

Is it a fragrance so strong, that still awakens me in the night,
Is it a walk so distinct that makes me turn and crave to follow,
Is it a tone that rings a bell of someone special,
Is it a tune that brings a spring in your step and a hum in your voice,
Is it a touch so soft that brings tears to your eyes,
Is it a habit to make you a replica of someone loved,
Is it a sport that drains you leaving all flushed and emotional,
Is it a feeling that overwhelms you for no rhyme or reason and short of breath,
whatever memories are, they are definitely emotions that leaves you reborn, and invites a person you had forgotten to resurface and rejuvenate a dull day....

Being half way across the globe has taught me one thing....one does not need to have physical reminders to call memories...these are emotions, really strong emotions that have defined the person I am, that remind me of the human I want to be, and these are somethings so personal and strong, that no matter what adventures await me, I will always have these precious reminders of times so fond....and a reminder of what I truly love in my life....

I hope each one of us will take the time and sit back or kick up our heels and thank life for all that it has to offer and has offered to us......

Cheers!

Food for thought

2008-05-03T12:22:00.002-07:00

So, the argument continues.......the war of words between the developed and the developing countries. The latest being the food crisis that has hit Africa and South America. So many thoughts in my mind right now......is there a right and a wrong between the words that are being exchanged? Bush says burgeoning middle class in India and China are the cause for the crisis! While India says, stop giving an $8 billion dollar subsidy to farmers for biofuel production. There are others who are crying for more help, but not the way these countries have been playing it all this while.....it is more of the "teach the beggar to fish and feed him for life" moral involved here -and I take the side of the group that demands it.

When Bush once again displayed his Nobel prize winning economics brilliance (seriously, this guy and all his advisors are mentally challenged!) that having developing countries eat more is a major cause for the food crisis, I really wanted to stuff things up his a%^!!! Alright, we accept that our population explosion is no longer India's bane, but the entire world's too...and yes, we need to step up our efforts to keep a check on that, however, complaining that the middle class is now eating three hearty meals a day is ridiculous!!! This is a blatant display of the US and other developed nations trying to maintain their stranglehold over the control they possess over the rest of the world. I may be highly emotional here, but I seriously think this attitude only spells imminent disaster! Instead of trying to find a solution here, India blames the US for encouraging its farmers to steer their land towards biofuels for more cash, while the US demands that India remove its export cap on agri products. Well, who is right?

I, for one, am aware that not having such an export cap will only drive a large chunk of the population to starvation - imagine the incentive to these local producers to see a phenomenal increase in earnings when they begin exporting their products overseas - the same old food shortage saga of the Indira Gandhi reign will reappear! Nobody wants that!!! What can the US do about it? We cannot simply say that the country has to conserve its biofuel production plans- I have lived here, and the lifestyle these people lead, demands such necessities. So, what can be done?

Well, for starters, US needs to shed its image of being the kind hearted rich neighbor and feeding the poorer nations (Africa never seems to take the initiative to improve.....why cant they be taught to survive on their own and make the Nat Geo photographers to capture more heartrending scenes in other nations!!). Instead of Bush steering $770 million towards emergency food aid, why cant that money be used to help teach Africans to cultivate, earn and self sustain themselves- give that continent an opportunity to shed its image of poverty and utter grief). Yes, the local farmers will go in upraising when they no longer see their products, but their cash being sent overseas, but having subsidies of $8 billion for biofuel, US has itself created a major shortage in supply for other nations. Countries like India and China need to start looking at avenues to increase agricultural returns, maybe even fund more towards research to obtain the most of the resources available. We hardly seem to contain our population here, so another mighty effort needs to be address this issue as well. Yes, our middle class population of 300 million is more than that of the consumers in the US, that is reason enough to make our leaders sit up and take notice. Our power is growing globally, we can no longer whine and complain at every single WTO conference.....the time is now, and we need to act!!!!
Right now, the only thing that bothers me is that when I go grocery shopping the next time, I will have to think twice before buying another kilo of rice...it is way too expensive and also, the advertisements in TV to curtail surplus buying is haunting......

A(L)Lure

2008-04-08T18:57:00.004-07:00

It is 6:00 in the morning....India's Topsy turvy sports run over the last few days has left me so disenchanted with things.....once again! Hockey, sigh...let us not even go there (seriously people, I am betting all my money..or whatever is left of it, on our very own kabaddi team. At least these guys are as much as, if not more than, in love with the game than KPS Gill is, with his power and money!) Such a disappointment, such disgrace, such naivety while handling this implosion.....while the rest of the world points and critiques.....and what do we do? Instead of working on setting things right, we blame the referees!!! Come on folks....grow up!!!! So, I then move to another section of the sports section of my favorite news sites....only to see our Indian cricket team crumble like a pack of cards! I guess my dad's hypothesis is right...these players want to be be fit for the IPL...such a shame! But ok, I will not rant and rave about cricket...we still pulled some glamorous wins recently......

So, now...I have nothing interesting left to peruse.....so I decide to hit the gym. Hey, who says MBA leaves you no time to exercise...I so totally do...bike nowhere, while I read the day's case study.....anyway, let me not digress....let me talk about the reason I decided to pen a few thoughts.....of course, this continues with the trend of my US discovery......
I am a 25 year old, reading a case study on Zara, while I see a perky 18 something reading "Allure"....a fashion magazine, I presumed looking at the weird outfits that the models had donned..anyway, so she is chewing gum (like a cow!!! they would all idolize Steve Waugh, for sure!) and reading "how to survive aging.....post 25"!!! Ok, firstly, I am a geek reading my course work in the gym.....to make matters worse this high pony tailed, perky, masticating, mass of protoplasm is reading about "old age"....what was more insulting, you ask.....whether I felt "uncool"...or whether I felt "old"!!! Well, it seems to me, I felt like a bit of both....more like a dressed down mummy-with neither an opulent tomb nor a eulogy glorifying my beauty!!! So I pedaled harder with more intensity and while the bike began to creak, this new born turned towards me and said "tough case, huh?".....I stammered and stuttered while I was thinking "this 'diva' has acknowledged my presence....acknowledged the presence of an unmade 25 year old maid with a numb expression plastered on her face" ...."Oh no....this is one of the more interesting cases that I have read...". Then I spoke.....I had to....am not famous for being the foot in mouth champion for nothing...."that article looks really (I dont think she got the sarcasm) interesting...what does it say?", after which her eyes lit up and she started with the signature American "Ummmm"....."oh, yeah!! This is all about aging gracefully, you know......its like (!!!) ...you know....its like growing old without wrinkles...and tips on how we can postpone that to our thirties (WHAT!!!!!!!!! you numskull....thirties are when women are in their prime....past their acne, insecurity and immaturity..past the catching practice they give to all the OBG docs...what do you know!). So, this article says that we need to ......." Ok, that was when I tuned out and ruminated over the irony of life....it was only yesterday, when I made an effort to look presentable and got a few appreciative nods from my girl friends (yes, I do have girl friends now!) and now I have been brought crashing back to earth!! :( and then......and then......she saved herself from definite murder when she said "what do you do with your skin???? Its like...so tough to be doing your business course and also work on your looks..you know....trying to push this praaaablem away. Arent you scared of crossing 25? and you know...its like.....all downhill from there".........wait a minute....wait a minute...Mal, dont turn towards your hatchet.....this red head in fact thinks you are not 25.....she is not so dumb after all :P Aaaah, the bliss of not looking as old as you felt just a moment ago! the thrill of the vanishing act of your intense desire to make a dash for cover before the beeeeaaauuuuties of the US see you.....aaaah, this is heaven!
Ok, this is when it hit me.....I too had been lured into this maze of beauty and fashion and superficiality.....all these years, I dove into my pile of jeans and T-shirts blissfully unaware of fashion, aging, appearance, poise, grace, make up.....and now, I feel so naked.....peer pressure really is so bloody effective. this country is really specializing in serving most things "junk"...food, news, trends, entertainment......man! I really rue the day when the world accepted American beliefs as "trendy"....this is really quite shameful for the rest of the world....but wait, this is not about the rest of the world....why did I get sucked into this blackhole of appearance when my priorities in life are the exact opposite...when I have never been raised to consider appearances as anything close to life changing, when all that has lured me in life is success and a sense of achievement....but what if all these things are what these girls are looking for in life? I see no reason why they should not get so concerned about turning 25 (sniff......no matter how much I refuse this, it still hurts to be tottering towards a different target survey group).....

Let me not get into this diatribe about American media, ideology, lifestyle....I only felt quite duped, felt like an idiot for suspecting my own value...and for disowning the rest of the fashion challenged members of the fairer sex!! Well, I do feel lured into this trap...I really do, and I cannot stop thinking about it!

Sunday ho ya Monday........Roz khao andey!!!!

2008-03-07T14:56:00.003-07:00

This really infuriates me!!! Brings back so many memories and unpleasant ones too, when I was made to believe that my "pulchaar" diet was my Achilles Heel....well, excuse me, for being so inflexible to refuse to compromise some practices and beliefs instilled in me. I am not sure if I am speaking for the rest of the vegetarian sportspersons, but this notion of dietary habits helping people gain strength is really not validated.
What annoys me, is that there is hardly any basis for people to change their dietary styles in order to be faster, stronger and reach higher echelons in their events. I personally believe this is the incompetency of the coaches and nutriotionists who find the easier way out for themselves by forcing their proteges to incorporate non vegetarian diets. it is a real dilemma for these kids when they are advised such things....I remeber the time when I was advise to eat bone soup (ugh!!!) to help me gain more strength to throw the iron ball a few meters farther. I can never forget the confusion and torment that was reflected off my mother's face when she heard my coach say this. Of course, at the end of the day I only began having more calcium and protein in my diet, (which, fyi, the coach admitted) that provided the asme results. So, why the bias towards the non-vegetarian diet? Ok, it has its benefits.....athletes when they travel find it easier to maintain their regime and dietary regulations, they can easily switch between coaches and experts without having to worry about lifestyle changes, they can also find better company on and off the field....all important, I agree, however, there are certain things that simply cannot be compromised.
After my arrival in the US, there has not been a day that has passed by when I have wondered how I have been taught to conveniently overloook the non vegetarian meal options that I am offered and go straight for the simpler and more 'boring' servings. I also tend to miss out on tasty outings simply bevcause of the choice of mine ...but I am not unhappy because of this. I am in fact glad that I have still retained certain practices despite various difficulaties. I managed to do fairly well in sports despite my "chatni puDi" and "anna saaru" diets, I was topping my class with just spinach and milk.....no cod liver or fish or chicken for me, thank you very much....
Let me draw your attention to the famousvegetarian sportspersons, a relatively small percentage, I agree, but successful never the less. Serena Williams, Carl Lewins, Bill JEan King, MArtina Navratilova and of course, our very own Sachin Tendulkar, Anil Kumble and Javagal Srinath. Their speed, strength and agility are undeniable talked about all over the world, yet there are "experts" in this area who talk about changing diets and practices. What made fellow athletes I knew to stick by their vegetarianism was not obstinacy...well, now that I have ranted and raved, will head back to work!

:)....... :(......... :O.... :D..........;)

2008-01-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

What a year...what a year...what a year!!!! My head simply spins with all the events in my life the past 12 months....yeah, yeah, I know that it is a tad late to pen "the year that was" in my life....and not that there are many clamoring to read it anyway...but just want to satiate and appease my rather burgeoning ego, I have decided to brush all my assignments and write ups aside (if my team mates are reading this, then sorry folks,.....a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do!!)
UPs: Finally get to have cereal at 9:00 PM and gorge on granola bars every day :D...ok, am out of my mom's reach, and hence..I admit!!!
I can wear the most outrageous combination of outfits with nobody grimacing about my appearance!!! However, I am also introduced to the new "orderly" me....sigh...I never thought I could be such a stuck-up person; but well, knowing what awaits me in the future, I guess it is the best thing that I have realized about myself ;)
Met my best pals.....life was just not the same without them back in Bangalore......am I now home?? Well, if only they could cook like mom, joke like dad, argue like my granny...then maybe, yeah, I am home!! So...guys, c'mon...buck up :)
Finally reintroduced myself to the challenges of deadlines, discussions, studies, exams....man! Can I be any "geekier"??
And of course......every single day I am being introduced to diplomacy and sticking to my ground....a battle of beliefs is underway and I love the way I am wading my way through...more when I have been safely insured and accepted in certain circles :P

DOWNs: Turned 25 (why God why!!!! I never thought I would get to see this day, but sigh....looks like you have other plans for me :P)
Could not execute my master plan to smuggle my granny's book collection...miss every single book waiting to jump out of the overstuffed attic, shelves drawers and all the hidden getaways at home!
Cannot drive as and how my heart or hands dictate anymore :(( Miss my darling red stallion!! These folks here drive like herded sheep!! Bah...no challenges anymore!!
"whazzat" - one word....err, is that two??....I am TIRED of listening to....who knew that Indians spoken "unintelligibly" half way across the world! Anyway, once more I hear that word...one tight slap only!! I do plan to record my change of accents depending on the color and nationality of the person I am speaking to....will make me sound like one of Walt Disney's creations!!
Not having told people exactly what I thought of them before I made a run for the nearest door...I am not sure what this makes me...but some people.... really deserved some sound talking to!!!
I have changed my plans for the future drastically; wonder if I would have trodden this path if I knew what was in store for me.....well, lets just add another what if in my life!
I miss having some intense and deep conversations everyday. I know the person who I am eluding to, shares the same sentiment. Miss you pal!!!! Loads!!!!!!!
I regret not having met so many people I wanted to meet before I departed to the alien nation....makes me think about the sort of friend I am in absentia!

Now that 2008 has begun and my break time has ended.....I am now ready to get back to the future!!!! I wish everyone has a great 2008!!!
Cheers!

Funny, ain't it...this life?

2007-10-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

Two months and actions taken that will last a lifetime....
Two months and words said that will keep me warm forever....
Two months and thoughts thought that will change me for eternity.....
Two months and feelings felt that will taunt me every single day....
Two months and relationships built that will stay with me through tough times....
Two months and lessons learned that have changed my life.....

Was I expecting these events? Are they designs only for the best? Could I have changed them? Would I want to change them? So many questions...all unanswered.....but will I ever find an answer? Would I want them to be answered? Honestly, I am not sure....today is one day I crave to know the answer, is my elation, my despondency, my helplessness, my gratitude, my inadequacies, my persistence all worth it? Is there a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...wait a minute, is there a rainbow?
Sigh....so many questions....but all I know is that in two months, I have deviated from the road less traveled and allowed the demons to conquer me all over again! Oh...if only I knew.....if only life didn't throw such challenges at me so often.....if only I could grasp the humor behind it all.....if only......

_IN_YOUR_FACE

2007-08-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

Wow!!!! Been such a long time since I visited this page....much thanks to Sudhi who got me thinking about blogging once again...So, folks, how are y'all?
Well, I must confess that life is VERY different from the last time I blogged. I am in an alien nation, making friends everyday, discovering more about myself and in the process surprising myself too about many things, been pushed to work like never before....and how am I doing? ...Well, to be very honest, I am loving it :)
The US has some charm to it, I must say..I cant put my finger on it...not yet, but yes, there is something about this place that makes me see why they are as successful or as loathed as they are now. The one thing that keeps hitting me wherever I go is that everything they do, everythign they have, hits you _IN_THE_FACE. I visited Yosemite National Park a few weeks back, and I was expecting another one of those high mountains, with rolling fields...you know, the works....but it came as such a shock to me when I actually saw it!!! The gigantic mountains were beautiful, roguish, yet appealing. The lush greens were picture perfect...corny as it may seem, they really were like a page out of a calendar!! The view from the top was panoramic....really, the whole place hit you _IN_THE_FACE! Alright, so the mountains were done....so I rolled along to the seaside....ofcourse, I have visited KArwar people...dont think there is any beach that comes close to its beauty and serenity...but wait, Santa Cruz was truly beautiful..no, not for the sea lions we spotted right on the beach...but it was the general idea of fun, frolic and merriment....the beach was a place to hang out...with people you loved..and the whole idea was presented in such an obvious manner, that it hit you _IN_THE_FACE! Fine, you want me to stop talking about the 'holiday spots', ok, how about my college then? ASU is bang in the middle of a desert..and the warm air is simply outstanding....so is the program....the hard work, the high expectations, the competition simply does this to an individual...hit you _IN_THE_FACE! What about food? Oh..yeah..about that, I am shamelessly packing all the left overs after meals I eat outside...why? Well, simply because they serve SO much..that the portion size simply hits you _IN_THE_FACE!!! How about extravagance, lifestyle...well, I havent seen the affluent part of town too much, but I can safely state that for these people, materialism is a strong presence in their lives...and yes, they live so that their wealth hits you _IN_THE_FACE!!!!
So many things to say, but my time to take a break is over....before I roll back into my books and assignments, I would definitely say that there is a certain charm to this country...but it still doesnt feel like home.....I miss the fun, the laidback attitude, the genuine care, the warmth, the climate...but most importantly, all my friends - love them all, I do! - and ofcourse, my family....funny, how often I think of them and tell them how much I love them....things I should have said more often in the past...oh well, lets not go there right now.....coz I have to get back to my books before the prof hits me _IN_THE_FACE!!!

Child's play????

2007-05-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

I guess we are all aware of our "strengths" and "weaknesses" - atleast folks who have answered a dozen interviews would be very well versed with them..by rote, infact! Well, there are 2 weaknesses I can definitely point out about me - I cannot dance (ballroom bootcamp, anyone???) and secondly, I simply cannot...cannot handle humans below the age of 10(ok there goes my chance to meet my Cpt Vontrapp!!). Looking at some old snaps in our family album brought back a deluge of memories/emotions....especially baby trouble ones..(let me not go into the rather embarrassing dance "moves" that have been captured..not right now)
- My first memory of holding a new born child was that it suddenly felt like I was holding a baseball...I just wanted to see how far I could throw! -ok, being a field athlete also added fuel to the fire! It reinded me of the stupid blonde doll gifted to me that I had to rip apart to stop it from singing!!!
- Innumerable staring duels that I have shared with babies..I think I might have scarred a few for life. Mommies..incase you have ever travelled in route 276, and hopped out of the BTS with a wailing baby in your hands, my apologies..I really didnt mean to scare them..maybe once I am super rich I can fund their counseling sessions!
- Kids really know their minds..and like dogs, I think they can smell fear....they realise that there is a petrified female of their species supervising them, and seem to revel in all their mischief and/or tantrums...oooh, if only I had a nickel for every single kid that has brought me down to my knees!!!
- Why cant kids be treated normally, I mean..come on...I simply hate to share my Mr.Potato Head and Lego models with these kids....oh, also my stationery..nobody dares get anywhere close to them..but heck, no..kids always get the first pririoty to play with these rather personal toys..why cant they just be satisfied with a barbie thrown at them...play all that you want with it..infact, do me a favour and keep the doll, but dont you even think of getting close to my lego set or my volleyball!!
- Why must we always "let the kid win"?Well, its time these kids realised that nothing comes easy....and that everyone..irrespective of age/sex/size wants to win...some of us, rather badly!!!
- Something that I have never been able to solve is the fact that most girls go crazy around kids..I mean... the "oh..cho chweet"s.."hey..baby..cutie pie"s..."oh...look at that sweet little thing"s..."isnt he soooooo cutttteee"s ..UGHHHHH..spare me the sweet talk, are you planning to win the 2020 elections or what!!!
- How does one handle these kids anyway? If they are mischievous...Dr.Pete says...use mind games..my mom says-ground them, my granny-feed them (!!)...my dad(I agree with his parenting principle) says..just join the kid, it will stop misbehaving immediately(!)..nobody likes to hang out with the oldies..no sirreee!

It hasnt been too long since I have discovered that being adept at handling babies is an art...and-trust me when I say this- a blessing! One is simply born with it..period..no ifs..no buts attached to this! I think in my case, it might even run in the family....one incident that my mom will never forget...and frankly, I can see why:
Dad enters hospital room...new born child placed in his hands...looks at wife quite ruffled and says..."ok, now what do I do with this"!!! ...I rest my case.

Do I have a dream??

2007-04-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

Do I still have the passion, the zest, the excitement, the drive, the motivation to surge ahead...?

I faintly remember receiving the adulation of the stadium
I faintly remember the feeling of being number one
I faintly remember the smell of success and pride in my work
I faintly remember the exuberance of being utterly confident in every endeavour of mine
I faintly remember my dismissal of anything negative or anything deprecatory thrown at me...were there any?
I faintly remember of dreaming....of dreaming BIG!
But...do I even dream anymore...?
Do I have the will to fight and win back the adulation?
Do I have the strength to work towards being the best?
Do I have my olfactory senses intact to even recognise the whiff of success?
Do I have the intelligence to recognise my strengths?
Do I have the courage to take whatever that comes my way without asking another question?
Do I have a dream....do I still dream?
Someone is awaiting an answer from me....but what is my answer?
It is 12:00 AM...never ever have I contemplated so hard at this ungodly hour before...but I have to...it is about time I did, for times are changing...and so are people..I should NOT let go of the best things in my life by being foolhardy...maybe we all need to step back and see whether we still follow our dreams..or whether we have completely vanquished them in the monotonous routine of our lives....

Have you ever....

2007-04-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

Embraced all that you were and all that you got?
Felt that desperate urge to turn back time and set things right?
Paused and wondered why you did so many things you shouldnt have?
Wished to talk to a lamp post and pour out all your woes, because everyone else seems to have an opinion, but all you need is an outlet to all your thoughts?
Rushed towards a masochistic way in life?
Felt most comfortable amongst strangers?
Wondered what went wrong?
Commended yourself and thought you truly deserved what you got?
Searched for the person you truly are...completely untouched...eternally virginal?
Really...really really loved yourself?

Ol' McDonald is a criminal!!!!

2007-03-28T21:06:00.000-07:00

For having a farm...for having cows, sheep, dogs, ducks...here and there ...everywhere! He is a shame to the human race for having...sheltered, fostered and fed the evil masses of protoplasm, ie, barn animals! Why, you ask...ok, well, "hold your breath"...bovine burps and sheep farts are one of the causes for having caused global warming....now, how can one tolerate such crooked and vile actions that have reached such (g)astronomical porportions..that have made man stick closer to his A/C brethren....tsk, tsk, tsk.....and I thought these were dumb, tolerant, humble, selfless works of God....Oh, brother..why has the human race been surrounded by such packs of cunniving, yet foolish inhalers of corpuscles....why?....why has man fallen prey to the evil doings of such creatures?
There have been an array of articles related to bovine burps being a 4% contributor to the global warming issue surrounding us
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1590/is_8_58/ai_82554146
http://environment.guardian.co.uk/climatechange/story/0,,2040615,00.html
...sigh...and man now wants to put an end to such "gas"...so, what is his solution? Well, invent a pill to feed the cows and sheep to prevent them from burping and farting CH4 ...as simple as that...spend millions of dollars in research trying to find that one brilliant concotion of a tablet and feed it to the unsuspecting creatures, and pray for a miracle...obviously...the 96% left-over causes for global warming of course is man. But pray....why do you say that? Dont you see, that man is the innocent victim?..He infact has to rush to the sanctity of A/C rooms/cars because of the cattle that triggered global warming in the first place....bad smell of farts and sheep sweat forced him to rush to the sanctity of A/C rooms..these animals are so well-fed and slow that.. sigh...we had to...simply had to work ourselves into the industrial revolution....these barn yard animals simply had no sense of music that their mooing and quacking simply forced us to invent plastic/lead tapes that rose to catastrophic proportions of metal wastage and pollution....
So..what is next guys? After stopping these innocent bystanders from burping and thanking their masters for the well-fed meals..(only to succumb to their masters' insatiable hunger for their meat and hide)....what is next?
Hey..I have another angle..is anyone listening? See, the problem with Bangalore is horrendous pot holes...I think I have guessed a relationship between tar-heat-dogs..."pet peeves" maybe...we take our beloved pets for a walk on the streets..let them showcase their enviable bowel activities for the world to see..right on the tarred roads..the heat of their droppings might simply cause the tar to melt..hence increasing the temp around the ground..causing a sudden rise in temp after 7AM in the morning..this is not the end of it all, what about re-tarring those roads??? We will need to spend more on coal, gas..and other exothermic components that unfortunately does not leave me with a "warm feeling"....
But seriously...it isnt the first time that man has pointed the finger to all other creatures except himself [I even came across an article that said it was an alien attempt to ruin our civilization..trust me, with the way we are progressing, we really dont need external help! We are well ahead of schedule..and right on track!!!]...elephants causing deforestation in Kenya...panthers and cheetahs taking away the food for the tribals in the South American jungles...penguins causing a drop i nthe fishing profits in the poles....OH COME ON!!!!!!!!!! Are we going to keep inventing miracle pills...and other ridiculous concoctions..but never sit down and ponder over what EXACTLy is the cause for all this....we sound ridiculous when we come out with such research work that poor animals burping or farting making us feel the heat under our collars...come on....So, Mr.McDonals, when are yuo going to wake up and smell the coffee....oh, I am sorry..or is the happy cow preventing you from doing that!!!!!!!!!

Endangered species???

2007-03-27T02:22:00.001-07:00

Your Personality is Very Rare (ESTP)

Your personality type is dominant, driven, poised, and self-aware.Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 6% of all menYou are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

Got the link to this reaaaaallllly short quiz from saumya's page: http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/
Interesting read, if you are quite jobless...I never realised how one can get addicted to such stuff...dont trust them all, but what the heck...nice to know what the "web" thinks of you...

Call of the "viled"

2007-03-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

Does the moon have something to do with it, or are werewolves really true (gulp) or wait....are there actual death eaters numbing the minds of animals which could once melt the heart of even Ms.Thatcher in her hey-day!
What has happened to the dogs in Bangalore, I wonder! The other morning, I was strolling 2 streets away from home, wishing my 'what-ho's and 'how-goes-it's to my neighbours, when I heard the 'who-goes-there's from the 3 dogs that I have seen since they were tiny wide-eyed pups (sigh, I sound old..but what the heck, it is true), They suddenly seemed to have taken an aversion towards me and gave me the feeling that I was not topping their top-10 favourites for the day. It was at that precise moment, I thought that this might be the right tiime to test whether I had the talent needed to give Carl Lewis a "run" for his money..literally!!!! I heard growls that made the hair on the nape of my neck remind me of their presence and their gravity defying abilities! I did not need a 6th sense or tarot-card reading abilites to know what was going to happen next. Of course, all the articles I had read about "never show your back to the attacker" and "never let them know you are afraid" seemed inconsequential...but I guess my stars luckily returned from their midnless stroll and placed themselves securely to make my fortunes turn around...for there was this rather ridiculously obese labrador making its way to the same road...YAY!!! I believe that my face had displayed all the colours one could radiate on a human face, and finally blood mustered some courage to flow to my brains! Phew....
But now, I seriously think...Bangalore seems to have been hit with this menace of rebellious street dogs. It is not just what the media says, but I have seen a sudden change in the behaviour of these dogs...no, it is not just because of this incident, but because these canines seem to have become very edgy and are exposing their wild instincts to us....Of course, people have many explanations for this rather odd behaviour, but frankly, none of them seem to make sense...here are some examples: "Due to incessant traffic of BPO behicles through the night, the animals are in dire need of sleep", "meat thrown outside mutton stalls have given them a taste of flesh which leaves them craving for more".....and many others....
But what is the reason behind this? Why this sudden mood swing at the same time all across the city? Why the constant howling through the night when they too used to sleep "like dogs"? Can human behaviour cause such turmoil and damage to an entire species at around the same instant of time? Or is it the dog-mafia (can these, like mice in HH Guide be here on a mission to observe humans????) taking the onus to change our lifestyles by teaching us a lesson or two about lifestyle and hygiene? Frankly, I am quite bored at work, so my best bet is that these dogs are, too, and they have let the evil and vile ways get the better of them.....it is high time, they made mockery of Maneka Gandhi and give the BMP officials a run for their money..for how long can these officials be made to indulge in all the frivolities in their jobs...it is ironical isnt it that it was a pack of dogs that have made the lives of these BMP officals 'dogs' lives'!!!
Anyway, I will get back to my soul-eater and death-eater hypothesis while I try (very hard) to block the thought of what could have been...on that fine day.....

My apologies.....!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-01T01:41:00.000-07:00

It is comical to see that the US Virgina assembly provided a public apology more than a 100 years after the American Civil War, for having enslaved black Americans ....I sat there thinking "Is this vote-bank politics" -pardon the extremely desi way of thinking- "or is this a genuine heart felt message" - naah, are you joking - 'guess who is coming for dinner' might very well be a current trend there - "or is it one way of the white americans to mock the blacks - it seems like they are trying to say..ok, now you have had all the opportunities you needed, string of benefits given, yet you fail to make a mark in society..your people still live in urban ghettos, are still daily wage labourers..I guess this is all we can do...thanks for all the music!"
Come to think of it....do we Indians also need to make such public apologies? I mean..think about it..."We higher society Indians apologise for having ill treated the thousands of our brethren years ago...we apologise for having shunned you from all means of success and wealth. Of course, we are trying to make amends by putting you first..include you in all streams of professional lives...in the forefront of all educational opportunities..in the driving seat for political gains." What about the losses you have incurred over the years you say? Oh..alright then, "we will stack our hard earned money in your name through various schemes, hopefully we should atone ourselves of all this evil! We will try to redeem ourselves even more by giving you more funds/scholarships/grants/aids/tax benefits....all in the name of the cruelty and heartlessness our fore fathers demonstrated years ago". You say we have been unjust even after all this??? Oh well, then I guess "we will be the perfect masochists when we include our other minority brethren as well and flog ourselves even more by risking our forthcoming generations' lives....our genetic intelligence should see them safely through the hassles of education, job-seeking, red-tapism...yessir! You can mint as much money as you like and for as many political resolutions and create as many ill-thought motives as you like...for we have sinned..forgive us brothers..we hope to see you achieve the pinnacles of success and glory that India has never seen through the dark ages of casteism, racism, regionalism....oh forgive us brothers for we have sinned!"
Right....now....a few hundred years from this day....will we be seeing a public apology from these brethren of ours for all the drudgery we youngsters and future generations are destined to experience? well, think again...I dont think that is going to happen anywhere ..anytime. The matter of pride to be one of the "downtrodden" is way too deep in our nation now.....I guess tables have turned, we DO have to regret the brutality inflicted by our ancestors on these people..but come on...arent we entering a vicious circle here? In the US, things are different...because they still recognise the powerhold and strengths amongst their own country men....we Indians seem to lack that....we need to introspect and find our strengths and weaknesses....I believe that our ancient social structure was built such that people who were best at some things chose to work in that line...so why regret the "ill treatment". Of course, certain things were unpardonable and I frankly have to admit that all those "upper castes" needed a smack on the heads for having come up with such disgusting, power-show...but havent we moved on? Maybe the American society hasnt done much to improve the lives of the blacks..well, atleast not as much as we have. I do not see any other nation that has been more regretful and shameful about past acts. But hopefully we should be able to draw the line somewhere..see to it that politicos and their honchos dont use this sentiment against us to make a fast buck or two....
It is time we woke up amd smelt the coffee....and I sincerely hope, an apology never comes into Indian mindsets....our actions have already spoken louder than words!

kya socha aur kya paaya

2007-02-26T05:53:00.000-07:00

I guess yesterday was my turn to be surprised!! As I sat through fliiping one boring channel after another (what has happened to cable television nowadays??? NatGeo and Discovery seem to be on eternal reruns, travel and living is happily thriving in the valentine mood...and the movie channels..lets not even go there! Hey..btw, nobody dare ask me WHAT I was doing at home on a beautiful sunday evening...whatever!), when I saw the "straight" talking Karan Johar sipping coffee with the masticating SJ Bhansali and the "Lovable" ambassador Mallika Sherawat. So, I nestled into my blanket, waiting to be entertained with her scatter (heehee) brained humour and his serious demeanour, when...I hate to admit it, was pleasantly surprised! The lady who spoke (yes, I was in fact listening to her, while my dad drooled) seemed to have a rather smart head on her shoulders- articulate, witty, spunky and honest- that is what Mallika Sherawat seemed to be! That was so refreshing and such a complete anti-thesis to what I had pictured her to be (ok, she might be one of a kind-because Rakhi Sawant suddenly made a guest appearance in my head right now..and frankly, my enthusiasm is a trifle squahed!). Anyway, the Bhansali guy was the same old insipid, self...but I must say this Haryanwi chic stole the show. Sudden flashback to the previous show and Ms.Priyanka-personality of a wallpaper-Chopra reminds me of how being "politically correct" is an excuse for dull-dimwitted brains. Frankly, that girl is a blob on "smart chics" - take away "what ya...no comments and awesome" from her vocab, and she will be legally dumb!..ok, non-filmy background...so she has made it into the big league...yeah fine, whatever..but Come on...show some vitality..some spark....not the same old " No comments, none of your business...well, times have changed"crap......
Ok, so you think Ms.Sherawat aka Ms.Lamba was the only exception..well think again..i have one more example to prove that just because one hails from a cultured family/hangs out with the khadi wearing, jhola carrying, Satyajit Ray is God society, you are smart! Well, pardon me...but last night, I was a witness to yet another surprise...Konkana Sen sharma, ladies and gentlemen has the personality of a doormat (not even the cheerful parrot green ones, I might add..the old drabby ones which have been exposed to all the gore and dirt which the owner has collected while trudging through all the slums of Navi Mumbai!). That lady could not frame a sentence with ease and was SO dull when it came to the interview..I think she has memorised a few sentences which she conveniently regurgitates as the need arises! She is a brilliant actor, with a rather shrewd mom, but some wiring is mesed up...I would love to have Cyrus talk to her and make mince meat out of her..all she can say is "sorry...shut up...no way...and absolutely!!!"
Right..now that I have proven to be an A-class bitch, I just wanted to make a statement that appearances are deceptive...Amitabh as an actor is phenomenal ..but as a person..well, I have my doubts(really..who gets into tiny squabbles with an actor 25 years his junior or have flings with anything that walked in skirts)...Mallika is sexy and hey..I think she is even more quick witted than sexy..Priyanka chopra..child, you need to undergo and brain transplant..and Ms.Sen Sharma..frankly my dear, I dont give a damn!

Hope and Faith......

2007-01-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

No..it isnt a blog about the rather dim-witted sitcom aired on TV..but an attempt to introspect on a side of our culture that until a few days ago, I had never been a part of...
"The place inspires you...it is simply magical...you will feel complete....it is pure and simple bliss....his eyes...his serenity...WOW"!
Alright, before you think someone is describing their honeymoon or their beau....think again..these were words that were told to me before my very first sojourn to Shirdi...Sai Baba's "home ground". It had been my mom's desire to see this place for years..and some other events in my life had also called for a few pilgrimages in and around this place..so, we set off with these words ringing in our ears....what WAS I expecting from this place? Well..I dont think I will have an answer to that, really. Maybe a sacrosanct idol with a bunch of extremely peaceful and calm followers chanting the calming "sai Ram" chants...a meditation hall with people introspecting and reuniting with their innermost identities...I dont know...for me, all this was new..and very pure. Anyhow, on the way to shirdi, we stopped by Shani Shingapura... supposedly a very "true" place where the Lord Shani will be easiest to please...but confound our practises...only men were allowed to do the formalities..while women were mute bystanders!!!!!!!!! This is too much...all my life I have been reprimanded for using my left hand over my right(pardon me for being a southpaw!!) and now this!!!!!!!! Well, it seemed like I was a lone crusader against this tyranny, so I was let with my thoughts in a corner while I saw my father reluctantly performed the ceremonies...once again guilt pangs enveloped me because all this was being done to cast my "ill luck" and foolish acts!!!!!! Excuse me.....incase someone is listening...I had to cleanse myself..it was MY ill luck that had to be wiped out..why torment my dad so??????
After this ritual, we left for Shirdi...after passing by innumerable "sai halls", "sai darshans" "sai cottages", "sri sai hotels"....we found our "sri Sai Palace"..yeah right!!! Dont get carried away by the name...it was a shaky little hotel but in a prime location..right outside the temple!! After freshening up, we made our way to the temple..I was surprised to find myself rather eager to witness the work and life of a saint, someone who had inspired and cured millions....it is not often that I find myelf in such a mood, but I guess Shirdi had its own charm...but wait..was I being too impetuous to feel so....so soon?
Once we reached the temple, we were pushed into a waiting room for darshan...so, alright...it just seemed to be a room with a serpentine queues.."hmm..not too many visiting devotees today...." said ajji...but I guess she spoke too soon..once were nearly done with one room after a slow 45 minutes wait...we found ourselves in ANOTHER waiting room, slightly bigger and even more packed that the previous....alright, so we braced oursleves for another 60 minute wait...but WHAT THE!!!!!!!!!! Suddenly we were pushed to the sides coz there were Baba's "devotees" who had walked all the way from God knows where, to see him...oh my....how can we mere mortals waiting in a claustrophobic room , praying with all our might to see miracles in our lives, come in the way of these ruckus creating , soundrel-like screaming goons...who had obviously walked all the way to cleanse themselves of all the dastardly acts that they would have committed!!! All of a sudden, the sanctimonious prayer/waiting hall was transformed into a raging/loud/vulgur display hall of people's "faith".....Hundreds rushed into the room completely obliviousto the fact that there were senior citizens, ailing people, toddlers...innocent children all waiting in line, having forsaken their dinner just to catch one glimpse of their Demi-God...it was only their hope and faith that had held them in that room. It was sacriligeous..blashpemous..and I was enraged.....this was NO WAY to behave...if you are a "follower" of Sai Bab, then do exactly what he did...be patient and treat everyone as equals..there is no need to provide a vulgur and garrulous display of your faith by turning a peaceful room into a cricket ground (ala Eden gardnes!!)encouraging curses and ill words from other humble and patient believers....you wanted to take a walk....then so be it...just because you did, does not imply that you reserve a right to first entry!!! Bloody goons!!!!!!!
So...in short..this episode left a very VERY bad taste in my mouth....after my return, when I was asked whether I liked the place..what could I say? "Yes, the idol was outstanding..for that brief moment, those eyes said a lot...but THOSE GOONS...if I ever lay my hands on any one of those human-mongrels....I will see to it that they never EVER take a walk..EVER!!!!!!!" Hope and faith are very personal and pure feelings that have been very well coloured by our monstrous sides, for we have completely lost track of what it means to be simple and pure. Why has our culture turned into an opulent display of extravangance and up-manship? Why cant we accept that fact that if we want to be one with our guru, then we need to be more introspective...a dozen poojas and homas never do the trick unless we believe in them. Just pray for a minute everyday...or whenever you need to thank God for all the small mercies and always stay humble-that is what I think culture and religion/faith is...if it is not, then pardon me if I have hurt anybody's feelings..
Sorry Baba..maybe this is not what you expect from me..but I am not strutting around being a religious and devout follower of any religion nor any person...I am just an individual who will give respect only when it has been rightfully earned..and not on heresay...so, I guess another trip is on the cards..just betwen me and you..so that I can see what all the fuss is all about...

Oh..what's the matter with me???....

2007-01-04T05:41:00.000-07:00

Avaricious....over-ambitious....driven....arrogant....I am all this and more when it comes to most of the things in my life. Why am I so? Is it because I have been exposed to the dizzying heights of success and merit that individuals have reached or is it because I am simply calling myself "driven"/"ambitious" as an effacing tactic to distance myself from my work and my underperformance thereof!
This feeling was even stronger today on my drive to work...the notoriously infamous Bangalore traffic was at its chaotic best and I guess it was a perfect reflection of my state of mind....This morning, I saw my career at crossroads, a junction I had always hoped for..a break from the "mindless testing", "unbearable ordeals called meetings" and "work that stifles my creative genius"(!!). But it hit me then, that this juncture was not something that left a good taste in my mouth, this wasnt me...I had never backed out of anything just because I never liked it...I have been at my best when I challenged myself with targets(some most incongruous) that I always felt would make me work against the current. Never has there been a day when I felt that I was not wasting my time and energy on mindless assignments and dull projects. I always thought that I was cut out for something different (I have to admit that this feeling still persists), that I had been given a raw deal.
But this morning, I SAW the people on the streets....with loud music blaring from our car stereo, we were a picture of comfort and blissful satisfaction in our cosy vehicle, but I SAW the look in their eyes...middle aged gentlemen riding cycles...young men ferrying ridiculously heave loads on their 2 wheelers, ladies trying to grasp anything that was strong enough to prevent them from being thrown outside the buses...there was no complaint in them...no unhappiness....in some, I saw resignation, in few I saw nervous preoccupation, in few others, I saw the dire need to survive....most of them, it seemed to me never complained...they were just grateful for what they had..maybe their lives had stabilised after gaining a simple job...who knows what problems were weighing them down..and this job was the only means to overome such strife and pain.
I must be honest, that this morning I felt really selfish...why was I complaining so when I have no such compulsions to earn a living...I have always been surrounded by an extremely supportive family, encouraging friends, phenomenal work environment; had a safe and stimulating childhood and achieved a few noteworthy items along the way...then why am I complaining...
This song is the best way to express my thoughts right now:
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared

A captain with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?
Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking...I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them I'll show me

So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kindAnd all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me
And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine

I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree
I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart toAll I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

I really dont think I have found an answer to this question as yet....but one thing I have realised is that I have been blessed to have been isolated from all the turmoil and turbulence inflicting many people...I have been blessed...and I have taken all my blessings for granted...I need to change my attitude from one of constant grumbling to gratitude..not just to God but people who have achieved the demi-God status in my life....

For the love of the game....

2006-12-07T01:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, I spent watching one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking India-Pak matches that has ever been played. All those who thought of cricket as soon as you read the statement, this blog is solely for you!
35-23 was the final score that underlined India's domination in this phenomenal sport - I had forgotten how physically gruelling and exciting this game was - 5 years in a row we have been the Asian champs in KABADDI.[ check out this link for the updates: http://www.gulfnews.com/sport/Other_Sports/10087680.html] What a sport....what a sport..i am at a complete loss for words...
Now I wonder why I spent so many years fuming and foaming at my mouth when I watched India's performance in cricket...I cannot even begin to describe how much I am beginning to hate our team....of course, we have exceptional world class talent, but who is that serving? We cannot idolize and treat people like demi Gods when they have hardly performed for a reallllllllly long time!! These morons have made a score of 200 seem hard to get- really, the 2-4 lakh match fee that they get needs to be taken away from the 'high and mighty' - blue bloods of Indian sport!!!
This is, in my opinion, unfortunately wheneverIndians show some signs of succeeding in and gain publicity/moolah at the end of the day, something goes wrong; maybe it is the wiring in our heads, that we all come spiralling down- take tennis for instance - Hesh and Leander - these 2, I was extremely proud of, now, I am not so sure - they are squabbling like chickens only to patch up in the end - but of course, now they would be wondering who gained more media coverage/who turned out to bethe bigger man from the episode; Rathore, congratulations for winning - but really, complaining about the organisers- give me a break! When one reaches intl standards, sledging, mean-mindedness and manipulation are things one has to have mastered too. I had to face all this right from the Taluk level games!!! Then there is hockey- they managed to get a sponsor, find decent infrastructure for their training and even got the coach they wanted - but yes..look at what Hindu has to say- http://www.hindu.com/2006/12/07/stories/2006120705472100.htm - I rest my case. We somehow seem to think that we are pitted against the whole world in a never ending game of conspiracy and treachery! - Just focus on the game guys, then you will have no time to complain!

Now come the Punjabi puttars, the Jats from Haryana - each one of them who can give John Abraham and the steroid loaded Hrithik a run for their money - meek and respectful off the pitch, but man! can they roll all over and jump over giants just to 'make a mark' for their country on their side of the court- these guys can give the aussies and the falcons a run for all the rugby money!! These kabaddi heroes brought tears in my eyes- I did not see hatred or anger in their eyes- not towards the Pakis nor the Indian federations- I only saw pure passion and love for the game- were our Indian cricketers and hockey players so pure and innocent once? I fail to know the answer..maybe there was a golden era when we could have won matches simply because our minds and hearts were into the game- 100%.
All in all, last night's match was a perfect example of winning because you deserved it, because you worked for it and because you simply loved the game. All the hardships, the Indian sport ingrates nor the disinterested media bothered the players- they were just there for the love of the game....
So folks, what do you choose to see in the headlines tomorrow? 3+ gold....or tiff with team and coach? Which sport do you choose?

Here comes the son...

2006-11-10T01:28:00.000-07:00

Move over Krishnans, we have discovered new blue blood (driven away my blues :P) in the world of sports. I have suddenly found myself reading scores of reports and news about the latest kid on the block - Jeev Milkha Singh...no longer 'son of our legendary Milkha Singh', but the Asian leader in the sport of golf! This year, he has successfully broken the jinx of the 7 year itch and gifted himself a cool million(s) only because of his hardwork, dedication and self belief.

The biggest let-down (I know, this was expected, but...) was when the swarmy, balmy politcos came out cheering him and calling him a very proud son of India. Yeah right! If it were not for these flea infested, filthy mouthed, belching blotches of nature, he might have achieved all this and a lot more with better infrastructure and training. But no! how could they let that happen! How could they recognise and show monetary gratitude to India's sprinter and only dope-free male athlete, who has brought the highest laurels to our independent nation! Jeev's was a name that was one attached to one of loads of potential, but never world class quality. He was, to me, someone who had taken a very wise decision of choosing a rather lucrative sport (promptly critcised by the political, sports organisation bodies and some sections of the media) when he saw the treatment meted out to his father and other 'honoured' sportspersons. I personally believe that if one excels in any game, then it is but natural that be it any sport, the individual will excel- there is no doubt that hand-eye co ordination is critical when it comes to down to any physical activity, hence my statement! Anyway, I think that Jeev might have been a terrific sprinter or a cricketer or a tennis star, but he chose an individual sport that was comepletely untouched by the politics and recklessness of Indian leaders. Wise move Jeev, very wise!

But then it doesnt mean that he hasnt had his share off trials and hardships. Imagine travelling to the most expensive locations in the world without the much needed financial support and training. I simply cannot imagine how a young boy from Punjab found his calling in the board room exclusivity and worked his way to the last hole! All I can say is that he has made his papa proud...I guess Milkha Singh will relish being recognised for his son's efforts rather than his own...It isnt easy to be appreciated by the world's -supposedly- greatest golfer Tiger Woods!
http://www.hindu.com/thehindu/holnus/007200611100310.htm

Anyway....with my system playing this song, I thought it to be so apt to what I just wrote - Here comes the 'Son'..turururooo

Yeh public hain...yeh sab jaanti hain

2006-10-16T05:58:00.000-07:00

The discussion this evening was rather invigorating. We covered topics ranging from Indian sports to layoffs to Moto's strategies to our career plans and then, finally politics. Of course, the last topic was not discussed to great lengths as each one of us have our managers breathing down our necks; however, this is a lingering dialogue that is still echoing in my head. It was a statement made by Anandoos that triggered a rather interesting thought in my head and I think I would like to pour all my ideas in this forum -all comments will be greatly appreciated :p!

The discussion was on stakeholders in politics.
Do you think the face of politics will change if the general public began contributing to various ventures and projects of the governing political party?
I know that this is prevalent in the country as of now, but is it being implemented in the most effective way? The Ambani clan seems to have won a lot of deals with their sleeping relationships with the Congress, samajwadi party, etc- their SEZ and retail deals are good examples- but once again, how much does the common man know about these deals? How much money would have been passed around for a few such policies to be signed? Most importantly, how much money would have fattened the already burgeoning pockets of the slimy politicians?

My question is why cant these political parties 'go public'? If such a thing happens, then maybe George Fernandes and other such political bigwigs will have some explaining to do. When such parties go public, then there is a good chance that they need to be explainable to the masses.
Ok, one side of the argument maybe that we pay taxes, which in itself implies that the public is investing money to better its living standards. But on the other hand, why dont we implement a system wherein the public says: "listen pal, I will pay you the money you need when you give me a concrete plan, solid proof of all your dealings and the 'agents' you are in touch with to secure the best deals". Once those details are released to the public, then we decide whether it is a feasible plan, by electing/appointing an educated set of experts in that field. All this is in place in our nation- something that most other developed nations also lack- but once again, all these come into picture once the decision has already been taken. All I am saying is why cant the planning be done by the political parties - who represent the entire populace- and the expert committee - who might be a combination of the largest stake holders or investors in the party as well as experts- decide on what works best forthe nation/state? I know it sounds idealistic, but why cant it work?
The right to information act has completed 1 year and some people have even made good use of it. However, how much money could have been saved from squandering and outlandish schemes if this information was avaialble before the decisions were made? There are a lot of grey areas that I see even while I am typing these ideas: such as,
- even when the panel chooses the 'best plan', how sure are we that it and the govt hasnt been bribed by the vendors or industrialists to choose their services.
- is the govt smart enough to take such decisions and does it have the right set of advisors- what with all the reservation coming into the services division, I really dont trust the intellect of the IAS and IFS officers!
- how knowledgable is the public to veto or vote an 'aye' for all the proposals? There will be so many regional, religious and caste based issues that might crop up.

But this is just an idea- a suggestion, because I see no point in complaining about the senseless decisions that we see the elected bodies take up! When we have our own PM admitting that agents can never be dismissed from the system, why dont we hack that system and check what exactly transpires between the political parties and such agents? Why cant we remove a party from governance and say that the party with maximum number of projects , with a decent chance of making a difference and one that has all its deal papers in order will take hold of the reigns of governance. What will the party gain, you ask? Well, lets turn the tables around and make a win-win situation out of this, shall we? what if we tell the parties, that of the investment, the public makes, the parties shall get a major dividend from the money - just like the 'bakshish' that the public will give the parties for all the good work!
Sensitive issues like military/defence and foreign affairs need to be handled very carefully with very responsible minds working on it, unlike Mr.Not-orious-war Singh! That vile man gives me the creeps and I certainly dont want such people taking important decisions! However, there are many other points that need working on- such as this power to offer services should not become the stronghold of only industrialists. We need to separate them from politics-let them do what they do best- industrialise- and let the politicians do what they do best- govern - lol!!- no seriously, certain clauses need to be introduced to prevent certain scheming ambanis and Subrato Roys from controlling the likes of avaricious Amar Singhs and the rest of the power circle. Well, this is just an idea..maybe I will wake up tomorrow and read this blog and say 'what the!!!' but I just wish the day will come when the public will see a transparent system and the song can actually seem like reality! - yeh public hain...yeh sab jaanthi hain, yeh public hain!

What's brewing?

2006-10-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

In Bangalore...? Nothing!!! While I am sitting, fogging the glass separators in my made-for-pygmies cubicle, I realise that vegetarians have been the least adventurous of foodies when it comes to food. This was a thought that has occupied a large 'portion' of my time this morning..so I thought it wise enough to put it on paper-well, the closest that can get to it!
Let me recount the weirdest stuff I have seen people eat over the last 5 weeks:
- Live seafood- yes LIVE!! This was a sushi restaurant- yes, you can scratch your heads and wonder why an out-n-out veggie went to a sushi restaurant- but lets not digress from the point; so, there I was, sitting in this restaurant when people around me began selecting the food they wanted to have that night- literally- a cartful of squids, lobsters, crabs, fish were displayed in front of us - all alive and kicking!- and the customers happily made their picks and sat down on the cosy cushions, unmindful that they had just sent a few innocent and rather slimy creatures to the gallows!! Now, comes the best part- one of my Chinese pals, had ordered for 'boiling crabs abd chok poy'- what the hell was that- I wondered- then I realised- they brought this giant king crab, still wriggling and heartily healthy and drowned it in a pail of scalding hot water! This pal of mine, was having a blast watching it squirm and die; and as soon as the formalities were completed, he raised a hammer and broke its shell into tiny pieces!- that was it...his meal of boiling crab with sok poy sauce was right in front of him! This is a delicacy because the crab is still warm- both the inside and the outside- and 'fresh from the oven' - UGHHHH!!!
- 'filled sparrows'- This was a very interesting dish- coincidently I saw the same meal being discussed in Jeremy Clarkson's show the other day- what they do is this- capture the migrating sparrows, feed them with loads of sesame seeds until they are so fat that they can explode- then asphyxiate them in water! The clients, once again can choose their sparrow- already dead by this time, for the cooks to chop their heads of and roast them in the oven!- then once it is cooked, they spray some salt and pepper onto it and place it on the table. The interesting part is the way they eat it- they cover their heads in the table napkins- in order to prevent the heat from softening the sparrow- and make really crunchy noises while eating them! - once again - UGHHHHHH!!!
- fried frog legs - these were plain gross! These looked like slimy ribbons that were wallowing in green swamps with crow poop on them- UGGGHHHH!!!
- seaweed sandwiches - supposedly vegetarian, I had this at the sushi place and could not have more than 5 bites of it!!! It felt like there were earthworms crushed in my sandwich which I had to slurp like maggi noodles!! - double UUUGGGGHHHH- make way...I have to rush to the loo!!!
- octopus soup - this was right out of an Indian Jones flick- the seafood noodle soup is what my colleague ordered and needless to say it had things of weird shapes and sizes floating in noodles- looked like a broken down pirate's ship!! - but I dont know what she saw in it that she cooed and sighed and said that it looked simply delicious- and started popping tiny octopuses into her mouth- she used chopsticks, held their heads and slurped them upside down - the legs going in first and then the head- UUUUUUGGHHHH!!!

Uptight, conservative and unadventurous, you call me? Taunt me and mock me as you like, but I really dont have the stomach for this kind of food! - oysters and snails are fine, but live seafood and filled sparrows- thanks- I really dont enjoy rearing pets only to eat them in the end!!! I love my saaru, my bisibelebaath and shirkhand! thank you very much!!!

Pearl of the Orient, Ladies and Gentlemen!!!

2006-09-18T02:56:00.000-07:00

What???!!!! Is there a smug look still occupying valuable real estate on my face??? Really?...ok, now?....No..? It still remains? Sigh...I cant help it then...this is what happens when you fall in love with something....you feel all light headed and silly!! If I had pigtails and a pair of golden shoes, I would have been tripping all over the place!!
The reason I am acting like a 12 year old who has just been kissed is because I have visited my version of heaven on earth!! A tiny strip of land, like a sausage sandwiched between an ancient rainforest and the vast expanses of a sparkling green ocean! I visited Penang...and boy! I would have missed the best part of this stay in Malaysia if I had not visited this glorious piece of land! It is a combination of the serene drive across the Lake district, bustling night life of Covent garden, the undulating, yet fashionable landscapes of Edinburgh and the rugged beauty of the rainforests! It was a perfect combination of the modern with the ancient! There were ancient Buddhist, Thai temples and 12 blocks of malls devoted only for the compulsive shopper!
I stepped out of the 5 hour bus ride a little disappointed that I was already half an hour behind schedule...but then as luck would have it, I met this amazing Chinese Driver Mr.Chua who was such a sweet old man...who took me around Penang, Georgetown and even to his house!! I really was very fortunate to have met really nice and kind people through this trip, and I am so grateful for that! Anyway, Penang is a rather wealthy part of Malaysia with most of the income coming from fishing industry, industries and tourism! One stretch of the road called the BatuFrringhy is THE place to visit while in Penang...it is like Mumbai's fashion street and the beach crammed together....one amazing place...it looked like a scene out of a Nancy Drew novel-ok,ok, I have been a fan like any other teenager!- with beachside cafe, volleyball games, water sports...honeymooners and rocking life guards :p Sigh..it was picture perfect...
But the highlight for me, was my visit to the Thai temple in Penang...this is also called the Snake Temple . the reason being it is home for the green wet vipers, local to the island...they are all crawling on the floor, on the deities, and even in the gardens! It took me off balance the first time I nearly walked on one, but after that, one gets used to these creatures..then....then...I mustered the courage to pick one and play with it...and it was an AMAZING experience...they feel just like frogs..actually less slimier, but wow! They are the most graceful reptiles...EVER!! After I let them run loose all over me- it was so relaxing, really!- I returned the viper back to the ground, when I was informed that many of the young ones are not defanged..they still have potent venom inside them enough to kill a human in less than a minute- GULP!!!!
So, with this comment, I signed off from Penang...bid goodbye to the Durian plantations, the sexy beaches, the roraing night life and the ancient mythology....and returned to KL, promising myself that I will SURELY return...not alone though, but with someone special to share this romantic destination with me....
Sigh...Penang...truly the pearl of the orient...you dont know how pretty it is until you enter it!!!

Casino Ro-yale!

2006-09-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

I have returned back to my humble abode of the Hilton, humbled and ok, ashamed...because I too got enamoured with the ka-ching there was on display...where, you ask? In Asia's only legal casino where millions lose billions of dollars, where people have made permanent homes in the in-house hotel, where people have lost track of time and life with the glamour and hope there is on offer- Genting Highlands!
I entered these highlands that are perched prettily on top of a hill overlooking glorious rainforests never knowing that I was being drawn-literally, in a cable car- to the worlds most addictive sport! I walked around for a bit, played a few games, hung around in malls, and then made my way to the indoor theme park's biggest attraction- THE STARWORLD CASINO! After showing my id, I made my way into a golden enclave...really, it is gold everywhere...glittering chandeliers, golden carpets, golden walls.. the whole place reeks of wealth! The first thing that hit me though was the average age of the players of the casino- I wont be overestimating it, if I say that it might have been 60...and most of them women! They had occupied every single gaming machine, with such intense concentration written all over their faces that it was quite hilarious..so I wandered around, consumed in my thoughts of how mindless these games were..and what is so attractive to these people that they have made it their second home- I saw a man smoking packets of Dunhill, never budging from his chair, betting thousands of RM only on one combination of 'tai dais'- 3 dice- 346 which, unfortunately for him, never rolled out; I really hope he passed out or got some sense knocked into him before he went broke!
Then.., then I made my way to a French Roulette table...ok, what can be so harmless in this? After observing the numbers on the table, I saw that a safe bet would be to start betting on the most common number on the ring- and that was 1. So, I placed the min (buggers have min requirements everywhere, so I had to reluctantly put back my 5 RM note!) 10RM note on the table and prayed for Goddess Lakshmi to take special note of me....and guess what, my prayers WERE answered....for 4 different bets...Now I grew confident, and made my way to the tai dais...right next to the drugged Chinese millionaire..and placed 50 RM confidently on the min 12 mark....as luck would have it, the dice rolled out a 112- that makes it a 4...so YAY, I made a 100RM in just one bet...wow, the feeling was great! Now, if I had followed common sense- which, I am sorry, seemed to have lost its way in the din!- I would have stomped back to the counter, encashed my coins and treated myself to a sundae or another wall climbing round...but NO, the crazy millionaire and all the Chinese Shrews had cast their spells on me...I wanted more...I felt like I had beaten the system, all my probability and statistic lessons were thrown outta the window and I duly pictured myself returning to my room in a limo! Sigh...little did I know, that it was not to be...at the french Roulette, I placed my bets on the number 10- the blasted ball, unfortunately felt that it had done enough and more favours for me...and placed itself cozily bang opposite the ring, on number 33!!! That was it....my precious 100RM, was gone!! I was left 'ro'ing - crying for the hindi illiterate- in the casino!!! I had gone from 10RM to 110 and then was left with zero...so my total at the end of it all was -10!!!
Anyway, thank God for small mercies, I had booked a bus- YES, I had to return in a bus...my limo plans went down the drain- at 5:30 and so, with a rather shamefaced look collected my camera and returned back to Hilton....what a day, though...you know, in hindsight, even if I were given a second chance, I would go back there and bet all my 100RM on the number 10...this game of gambling is addictive..and boy, the high you get when you are winning...nothing compares to it....NOTHING!!!

2006-09-04T01:06:00.000-07:00

Truly Asia???

It has been over a week since I arrived here and I have not blogged!!!! It only goes to say how 'busy' I am -with work, you say? Yeah right!!- but it is just with getting used to the treatment at the hilton, learning to describe what exactly you mean by vegetarian food- ok, chicken and fish are NOT valid either-, learning to respect the ways of the people around here, learning to make your way around the city with language, food and culture acting as barriers and learning to understand the weather patterns here - while I have typed these lines, the bright and sunny outdoors has been replaced with a gloomy shadow of the clouds making their way, slowly but steadily as harbingers to a morose evening! - Yikes, and I havent even mentioned where I am right now! Sorry about that...I am in Malaysia right now and will be here for another 3 weeks.

This place amazes me, I have to say. They have the weirdest minds working on projects: it is only in Malaysia that I can find an AC unit surrounded by 4 walls, just to maintain the decor of the surroundings; it is only here I can find each street having a new and eclectic collectoin of street lamps- some that are worth more than 5000 RM each!!- it is only in this place that you will find store displaying 'original fake goods sold here' logos ...can you beat that!!! The menus here boast of veg chicken curries, veg mutton biriyanis and veg seaweeds - and I was bold enough to dip my fork into them and was taken aback to know that they were all soya preparations...ingenuity is their middle name!

"Been there done that!"-

- the tub in my room - luxury redefined, the bath tub in my room could easily house two..and being the 1/2 that I am, had space for 1 1/2 more people :p For hours I soaked in it-actually marinated :p- with tea therapy, aromay therapy and some other thing to increase the Ca density (!!!) going into it.

- KLCC tower aka Petronas, Menara KL aka KL tower : The Sunday was followed by the usual tourist watch of visiting these towers and taking some hazaar snaps in front of them!

- Then came a visit to the Asia's largest shopping mall with a bookstore that lets yuo browse books for hours on end without even disturbing you!! Needless to say, I spent 3 whole hours there until I realised I had skipped lunch!!!! The place was huge! and coming from India, it seemed like it could easily house another 5 thousand more in it ;) The only thing that struck me was the kids out there, all dressed in the most stylish of clother-with accessories and the works- making me feel like something the cat dragged in- ok, this time around, the feeling was accentuated even more because I thought I was presentable :(((( People here seem vain and rather occupied with their looks and I even heard that youngsters from the age 0f 12-13 consider multiple partners a style statement!!! That really scared the S$%^ outta me...things were changing in KL alright, but too quickly...

- Then I have spent soem more time looking around KL. Their bird and butterfly parks were very impressive, of course, I have brought back 'gifts' from my mates flying high- showers of blessings from a brahmini eagle, in fact..but that was meant to happen...if it hadnt, I must confess, with my track record, I would have been crest fallen! Then the visit to Batu caves- now that is a place which I wouldnt recommend any Indian to go ot...the architecture and paintings are SO ordinary, that it is disappointing; the only redeeming factor were the limestone caves in the place. That is about it.

- Then I visited Melaka aka Malacca-for the common wealth descendants- this quaint little town is situated off the straits of Malacca and a 3 hour ferry ride will take one to Indonesia. This place is "steeped" in history..of 6oo years! When the localites were proud of the heritage..I was thinking..ok, so India is more than 10 times older than this country and I dont see the pride and respect that evry single Malaysian has for their motherland. It was rather disheartening. During this visit, I befriended a rather pleasant girl from Luxemborg- Maude who seemed lost in Malacca. There are so many nice antique stores and Chinese streets that I simply fell in love with the place. We finally bid adieu to Malacca and headed back to KL ...

- and then I witnessed the world famous Malay traffic jams- a 2 hour journey turned into a 5 hour car sick ride! All because they were tarring one lane of the road...!!!

- Then was the night market in Bangsar. An upmarket part of the city, with an amazing offer of fruits, veggies, fish, buscuits, stolen goods..it was great!!! Had my taste of the roadside eateries- bubur cha cha , chendoh, a groundnut based sweet...all so yummy! But nothing to beat our pani puri and vada paav!

Ok, this was pretty much all that I have done in KL...hopefully, there will be more updates made....until then...Terima kasih for reading my blog so patiently!!!

2006-08-21T00:12:00.000-07:00

Chappali only!!

Last week was an eye opener on the range of applications one can use a chappal for- emotions running from sheer gratitude to utter disgust, this accessory was perfect for any occasion! Let me describe how every single day has shown me different benefits of owning a hawai chappal:

Sunday: Ideal to help you get over the sore feet because of all the travel. All I need to do to ease into the seat is a simple wriggle and I am 'footloose'.

Monday: Erm..did anyone say that chappals expose your feet to all the dirst and slush? Well, ask the others who had to drag their Nikes and horrendously stylish Reeboks through slush and puddles! I have never gotten a pedicure, so this was the best way to let my feet soak in all the fresh mud...FOR FREE!!

If its Tuesday, it must be leeches: Ok, this was one day when I really didnt mind "exposing" :p Trekking through leech infested forests, my chappals had highest 'visibility', the tester (me) knew exactly where I would find 'bugs' (blood sucking vermins!!!) and all the higher ups (my fellow trekkers) knew the exact status of the project(trekking) and all its susceptible areas. The footwear had solid grip, kept my feet from stinking and I could feel the cold streams flowing under my feet unlike the 'posher' footwear counterparts.

Wednesday: You need to clean your wardrobe as unfortunately your mother is also on leave and is breathing down your neck to 'bring a semblance of order' (personally, I think I could have given myself a fortnight atleast before I made a "hagar"ous venture!). So, once again it is the chappal to the rescue..all my frustration, I could vent out on the miserable siver fish and roaches that really seem to have flourished in my wardrobe (I even found 3 old books of mine that I had thought I had misplaced..yay!!). I thought I made a very modern picture of Xena, the wardrobe princess...with a chappal in one hand and rage in my eyes!

Thursday: My dad is back from his trip and has made his presence felt with the cartload of science magazines and my granny's absence hasnt helped either. So, I find myself in the 'closet under the stairs' (ok, there was no owl that took me out of that misery) with my chappals separating me from the grime and filth that hasnt been swept for months on end, stowing away books 'for the winter'!

Friday: This is the day when I SO wished, I could have put my chappal to full use! The reason being, I saw the year's biggest catastrophe- KANK!!! What a LOUSY movie...such a dampener to the entire week...cheh...really awful movie..Karan Johar needs to take a break..and marry a very suitable boy! Geez..and SRK really...who the hell told him that he could act..of course, the man would have landed with a fair share of shoulder pain, because raising his arms up and down in songs seems to be the only dance move he can flaunt, what with old age catching up n all. About the ladies, the less said the better...junior AB was the only redeeming factor, and sigh..I only gotto see 10 minutes of him..you see I caught really long naps inbetween. Anyway, how was the chappal useful you ask..err...would have been useful...well, just you wait until I track down the bloody Johar jr and smack him for 4 whole hours with it..only then will I think the ingenious BATA product would have proven its merit...only then will it be 'paisa vasool'

Saturday: ok, this is the day I am using it on myself...for having ruined the lovely Friday evening in a rotten theatre, eating awful popcorn after getting into a fight with the popcorn seller...sigh...what a week.

So, at the end of it all, I realised one thing, no, actually 2 :

1: to always steer clear of anything/movie that has Karan Johar tagged to it!

2: If BATA ever approaches me to be their brand ambassador, I must NEVER say NO. What a smashing product; solid grip during long walks, best bet against roaches and leeches, easily removable in times of stress, feather weight and oh, so affordable! So, in case I refuse such an offer, once again, for me, it is 'chappali only'!!!

2006-08-10T01:38:00.000-07:00

Blogger's block!

Hmmmm.......yes!..no wait, it is too serious.....hmmmmm....got it! ...but it is really personal, this isnt the right platform....hmmm..superb! This is such a hilarious incident-yeah right, it is derogatory to so many commnities, you might even be sued :p . This is just a trailer to the chaotic thoughts swirling in my head right now. I just realised that I hadnt written in or visited my blog in a while..so, logged in to say a chirpy "Howdy" to my blog and now, I am stuck! I have this intense desire to write something, but write what! I dont want my blog to be a detailed text about my daily routines..who cares about what I had for breakfast or whether my bowel movements have been regular! Frankly, I dont care, either..:p

So, what is the best topic? Politics- No, dont want to steal Natwar's thunder ;) ; Sports-ok, so Sania lost, Saurav is back, Jones is screwed, no wind beneath the sailors' winds ; entertainment- we have another tear jerker with the world's lousiest actor SRK hitting the screens- run for your life!!!! ; work- errm, what? Do I really need to show my ignorance right now :( . People...how DO you keep up the constant flow of topics and thoughts? I seem to be suffering from the blogger's block and frankly, it is extremely asphyxiating- I have all this pent up energy to write about something...anything....but all I have is nothing!

Eureka- a sudden recollection of one of Seinfeld's episodes is coming back to me, George and Jerry seated at the "restaurant" talkng about their idea for an NBC sitcom- NOTHING! That, I think is one of the sitcom world's best conversations -

"So we go into NBC, we tell them we got an idea for a show about nothing. They say, 'What's your show about?' I say, 'Nothing.' I think you may have something here." - Jerry Seinfeld on George's sitcom idea in "The Pitch".

That is it, that is what I can blog about and waste our precious time on...ok, I am warning you....this blog is going to be all about nothing...so, you can either close the window- if you are the 'I am too busy, it is not like I have nothing to do' type- or you can continue reading- if you have nothing to do; just a note, you are my favourite kind of people :p

Oh! This word brings back a song from one of my favourite movies- sound of music- do you remember Julie Andrews crooning 'Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever cooooooould....' sigh! I miss that movie and the VonTrapp family...
Let me not digress, I am focusing on 'nothing' right now...

Have you ever wondered about these Q&As:

"What do you have to say?" - " Nothing much" - ok, so that implies you do have something, but it is so little that it is more for nothing??

"What do you have there?" - " Oh, this? It is nothing!" - hey! then please can I have a look, I really want to know what nothing looks like!

"Did you find anything?" - "no, there is nothing here". You nitwit! Grab it quick! Dont you know, nothing is perfect!!!!!

"Why are you so flustered?" - "Nothing is in order.. nothing is happening as expected.. I have nothing to show for!!" - dearest, dont you think you have the best thing to show for?- you see, what you have is -nothing. And what you have is in order, seems to be behaving as expected and you have it to show for! You are undoubtedly SO well prepared for whatever you had to do :P

So, for me Nothing is what it seems... hmm, interesting...so nothing is what it seems, but it seems like there is nothing much to be seen, because frankly, it is nothing!...so, my guess is that there is much ado about nothing!

Oh well, I have to run along now and work on nothing...but hey! I now understand nothing!!!!..I now know what nothing is all about :) Cheers!!!

2006-07-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

Oh, bugger!

I never seem to learn from my mistakes: the week when I am pretty much loaded with work, I hop along and watch a movie that leaves this permanent smirk on my face, while I walk around re-enacting my favourite scenes- of course, I now appear like I am high on a 'bottle o' rum' ! Yup..caught POTC-Dead man's chest last evening...and I must confess, I liked it much much much more than the first one! Take the curse of the black pearl, add a dash of 20,000 leagues under the sea and shiploads of rum, voila, we have an outstanding masterpiece of Disney's that is by far the best movie I have seen this year!

It is odd, I presumed that I was all of 23 years and would no longer find myself in a pool of my own drool, while I slobbered at gorgeous hunks, but no! I was gravely mistaken! Johnny Depp is the best remedy for women of all ages, suffering from any problem-fatal or otherwise! I simply cannot fathom the fate of this movie, if

a) an orthodox englishman would have been cast as Capt.Jack Sparrow

b) the director had stuck to the authentic description of Capt.Jack Sparrow

c) Johnny Depp had NOT been in it!

The drunken swagger, the rolling of words while he speaks, his comic timing, his cheekbones-sigh-ok, I wont go on and on and on about him, but due credit has to be given to him for carrying the movie-regretably-solely on his shoulders many a time in the movie. The film is pretty long- as per hollywood stds- but the action is so captivating and also so original, that I didnt feel the time pass by. Of course, with butter popcorn and french vanilla ice cream being gorged by the bucketful, I would have had no reason to complain :) My honeymoon period is nowhere close to complete! I have rummaged through various sites and finally uncovered couple of my favourite lines in the movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383574/quotes. While I was reading the dialogues once again, I realised that this movie has done more justice to the characters-and I dont mean the protagonists- with various shades thrown in. They are more entertaining and seem to fit in more easily in the soryline. Of course, the last 20 seconds just drove me insane, I couldnt imagine POTC without Geoffrey Rush!

But, personally, I think it is time Hollywood reinvented and extricated itself from the comic strips to more engaging and meaningful cinema. Honestly, I think I have had my share of superheroes and state-of-the-art visual effects with no storyline scenes. I dont remember the last meaningful movie I saw this year produced by the LA folks, and frankly, that is rather depressing. With all the money and power they possess, they have all the liberty to go ahead and speak their minds. Adaptations from books and comic strips is getting to be a trifle run-of-the-mill type.

All in all, this was a terrific movie-unlike the Star Wars series- which is very well placed for the grand finale and I am thrilled knowing that my wait for the final episode wont be too long!

2006-07-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

Its a bird, its a plane..no WAIT...!!

It is a satellite launch that went awry!!! The last 10 days have been one of the worst for the Indian space and defence establishments. Agni III and GSLV were two successive blows to our plans and left the entire nation rather embarassed leaving a smirking Pakistan and a gloating China to enjoy the spectacle. That sight of the satellite veering off its course towards self destruction left a lump in my throat. I cannot recollect any such country gaining a dubious distinction of 2 successive failures in 2 extremely critical and publicised launches.

India has an impressive track record when it comes to ballistic missiles and space missions. However, in recent times, we have seen and heard many critical comments about the quality and merit of the scientists in ISRO and DRDO. In fact, I do not take these comments with a pinch of salt because the 3 months I spent at LRDE demonstrated the ridiculous policies and pathetic quality of work being done there. Any ambitious and resltess youngster, no matter how idealistic, would surely be disillusioned in no time! It would take us a day to order a capacitor, a week to get it and then getting the apparatus to test the circuit-forget it, consider yourself lucky if you get your hands on it within the month! There are 2 types of people in these institutions: Those who swipe in, "work" between breaks and the others are those who are preparing for UPSC or GATE exams while earning some pocket money here. If anybody thinks that the future of Indian space and defence research is going places, well, they are not mistaken, it is going places, only this time it is headed right to the bottom! A fact that seems to be strengthened by comments from retd senior army officials: http://www.atimes.com/atimes/South_Asia/HG12Df02.html

I also know that I do not hold a right to criticise or condemn these organisations, because I realise that I have the necessary skills to join these places and make an effective contribution. But then, I too am driven by ambition, position and well, simply put : "ka-ching"! We really need to "shake and stir" things in this system if we aspire to be self sufficient in all our research and defence needs. We need to come up with a strategy to entice youngsters and make working in these organisations fashionable. Budgetory restrictions cannot be an argument because money given, should be money well spent. So if you are going to spend it on the youth while increasing head count, and encouraging research/tie ups with other reputed institutes, then it is definitely money well spent. Surprisingly though, I read this morning that HAL has moved up to the 45th spot amongst all the defence R&D organisations. Makes me wonder....what am I missing here that seems to be working right for HAL....

2006-07-07T04:15:00.000-07:00

3 down!

Ok..the whirlwind season of weddings is drawing to a close....I attended the last of a series of (surprise) marriages of my friends'...all whom I have known for so many years, that I cannot recollect the time when I wasnt aware of their existence, and they, of mine! It was Bhuvana's wedding yesterday, and she was the 3rd amongst the 7 of us who have generally been - in school lingo - "a group". The last 24 hours have been a trip down memory lane for me. I was recollecting the countless precious moments we have spent together..all the pain, joy, arguments, dilemmas, angst and obstacles that we shared and overcame. I realised that we all knew the "unadulterated" us! We were friends since the days we werent bogged down by pretensions, social pressures, responsibilities - just young girls in pigtails (or not!) whose main concern was the next day's homework and (surprisingly) sport events! It is odd how friends one makes during school remain the closest for life. I know that all these girls are just a call away..I may not have spoken with them for days on end, but when we meet, we can take it from where we had left off...nothing seems awkward, nothing seems unsurmountable, frankly, I feel the lightest and happiest with them!

Coming to the wedding, Bhuvana was looking fabulous...a perfect picture of a pretty young bride, looking forward to her married life with excitement. I had never seen her look so happy (ok..except when Kumble bagged 10 wickets against Pakistan and when she first laid eyes on Madhavan :p) ever! Not once did I see her complain or grumble about the length of the ceremony (ok, I am sure I would have brought my PGW or Edgar Wallace with me and said a perky "howdy" to the poojary and happily immersed myself in the engrossing stories), she was, just like I have known her, patient and silent. It is odd how the most silent ones of the group tend to be the ones we miss the most in their absence....when the rest of us were discussing our next rendezvous, we realised that we would be 3 lesser from the original set! And I for one thought.."Damn..Buna will be missing..who the hell will listen to my constant rambling! There wont be any loud ruckus..Jyo, our loudest mouth will be missing...and my volleyball pal Sahana would never ever play a game without consulting her 'better half'! wow...so now a trip sounds so exciting".

It is so odd that things change so quickly..it has not even been 2 months since the gang met up..and the feeling hadnt sunk in yet that it would probably be the last time we would chat without complaining about work-life balance, bossy mothers-in-law or indifferent husbands! We had lost a major part of our lives in something that was new and even more challenging than all our previous endeavours....coming to think of it, I noticed so many changes in the way they were treated post-marriage. I have tried to sum up some of them, here goes:

BEFORE ( the "maiden" aka ME!) AFTER (the "sumangalis")

1 Receive a banana and an apple Receive a coconut!!

after a visit.

2 Made to distribute flowers and spray Deck up and sit prettily

perfumes on guests in the wedding.

3 Official 'nanny' of any function playing Conveniently ask their children

and minding the pestering young brats! to "play" with "Malu aunty"

Dammit! That is definitely the last thing I want to continue doing...you 3 have played the game so smartly...you dont have to baby sit anymore!!!! That is it...Mama, if you are listening....FIND ME A GROOM....pleease!!!

Uh-oh..then there is another problem..I will have to mind an overgrown, binging, smelly and obnoxious brat for the rest of my life...hmm...puts things into prespective once again....

You know what....during the last 5 minutes while I have been writing my thoughts...I think I am really glad that I will be the 11th batsman to take my guard....I have no problems being this way...actually, I would really like to see all the wickets fall..and then wait for things to materialise..:) So mom, change of stance...thanks for all the fruit, but you havent seen the back of me...yet ;)

2006-07-03T01:43:00.000-07:00

Gender bias or biased gender?....

The recent issue of India Today has made rather interesting reading to me this morning...the main article is on our "very own" steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal, whose Arcerol ventures demonstrated his resilience and shrewd business acumen. However, what really caught my eye was the article written by Sandeep Unnithan - Women on the warpath- which spoke in detail about the recruitment and level of participation of women in the defence forces. I must confess that I am no feminist and that I do not go up in arms when I hear certain biased opinions: everyone has a right to their own views, is my line of thought. However, I do attack people, arms akimbo, when I hear extremely personal and vile comments being passed- there is a limit to all this nonsense.

Anyway, after reading the article, I revisited my stand on the women's empowerement and reservation issue. All this while, I never had much of an issue with women being given more independence, liberty and exposure into all domains- as a matter of fact, I still stand by that opinion- however, I am now a little wary of all those activists for women's rights and "equality" who seem to demand a separate quota for women...a quota in pretty much any field they think they have found it a little hard to make their mark. Well, for instance, when they chatter long and hard about 33% reservation for women in parliament, I wonder what makes this so different from the minorities or the OBC debates! I mean...if the people who govern are also chosen based on quota system...then we'd better come up with a really good excuse to substantiate such claims...the recent debate on NDTV regarding this topic was such a disappointment..I was hoping the activists would come up with a strong claim..however, all they could muster was that women were being treated unfairly and if they were represented in the parliament, then the government would get a "softer" face and also take "balanced" decisions...ahem..pardon me if I am mistaken, but isnt the government supposed to have the most deserving candidates making critical decisions?- just because I would shed a tear or two when I see pain and sorrow or I can co-ordinate daily chores at home or remember my colleague's anniversary, doesnt make me a good administrator- We have already lost vital advisors to the govt in reservations in the public service sections..now do we have to lose the final decision makers also to such stereo typical arguments? Why dont we just introduce a quota of say 45% reservation to people from a rural background- having certain educational qualifications- and the remaining section split for some with an industrial/scientific/art background and the remaining representing the urban populace. This seems to make more sense at this point of time.

Coming to the defence forces, this is a rather sensitive issue with me....not once, but twice, I approached the army officials to consider my application in college to join their ranks..but the sneering look and the curt "we are not here to recruit ladies...this is a tough job and we want only 'qualified' individuals to apply" response that I got drove me insane-to this day I regret not having kicked that officer where it hurt...THE MOST!!- anyway..what did he mean by 'qualified': people with national level achievements, with great scholastic aptitude and high level fitness. Let me see..in my case..national level achievements (check), great scholastic aptitude (check), high level fitness (check). Now, number of deserving "youth" chosen - zero! Great..such abundance of talent in the male community, dont you think? Ok..I agree that women are genetically designed for less rigorous and arduos tasks..such as that required in the infantry..but it ends there..why cant a woman be a fighter pilot or tank driver..why cant she be incharge of a navy warship? These jobs require skill, presence of mind and courage- none of which is lacking in women. Defence minister Pranab Mukherjee mentioned that a woman cannot sleep with 5 other jawans in tents in the battlefield-accepted..point noted- but what about the problem of recruiting them only for the SSC..why cant we be recruited as full time officers? Why cant they change their mindset and accept women as their equals? Just to put this debate on hold, he conveniently set up yet another commission to look into this matter. I hope my grandkids see what this commission has to say!

Talking about equality...there is a very thin line between demanding equality where it is needed and exploiting such a sentiment for undeserving issues-such as the parliamentory representation. Women flare up whenever this topic arises..but ladies, I do think that we need to sit down and decide whether we are putting ourselves in a rather awkward position. We need to introspect and see whether we are overstepping this task we have taken upon ourselves...in very many issues, I agree that we need to be supported to make a statement..but are we using this "self mortification" as an exuse to get things too easily? Masochistic events seem to be the best way we can exploit the situation....why dont we utilise our efforts to bring up the really downtrodden sections of the female community so that they can excel in any field they like? This 'feed the beggar for a day and not teach him how to fish' attitude will not work in the long run. Ok..you give women seats in the parliament ...then what....how will they know how to take it from there...SC/ST advisors and corrupt redtapism is definitely there to "help" them out, right? Create talent, then we have can make a stronger claim to the rights that have been unjustly taken away from us. Lets not be such hypocrites...instead let us face things as they are....we are redefining this tagline of a "gender biased" society into a "biased gender" society wherein we sometimes seem to be glad of the exploitation ..just to prove our point!

2006-06-23T02:20:00.000-07:00

Destination destiny..

My drive to and from office the last few days has been rather interesting with Madhavi and I sharing our thoughts on rather profound subjects...so a disclaimer has to be mentioned that all things written here are my own musings and have not been construed by any workings of black magic, evil forces or political parties - of course, they can be classified as evil forces :p !

The topic that really got us into an animated discussion was related to something that seems to have left both of us at a loss for words and reasoning is "destiny". This word that is frequently used whenever we witness an accident, failure or even success has been taken too lightly by a lot of us for many years..but what exactly is this word that consoles the grieving or the jealous? Is it an irresistible power or agency that determines the future, whether in general or of an individual? Or is it a concept based on the belief that there is a natural order to the universe?(courtesy wikipedia) After a lot of confabulation with my "friend, philosopher and guide": google(!), I realised that all religious texts, be it the Quran, Bible or Bhagavat Geetha, advocate the same philosophy.... that destiny is something that is governed by a supreme body- all mortal and nonliving beings have been sent here with their end written clearly, with no doubts whatsoever. Islam calls destiny as divine knowledge with the world's trajectory pre ordained and things are moving with a specific purpose http://www.islambyquestions.org/destiny/meaning.htm. Then the bible also mentions somethings in the same light...that a lot of things that are meant to happen, will, however, it will be unseen by the human eye..this pre structured path of life, is destiny according to this holy scripture. http://www.seekgod.org/bible/destiny.html What does our very own home-made Bhagawat Geetha say to all this? It is rather interesting...the scripture says that dharma, artha, kama and moksha are 4 things that can be controlled by man..and thus control his actions..so in a manner of speaking, things can be under our control....however there is a 5th...to throw a spanner in the works..that of daiva..something that cannot be controlled by our freewill or choice...http://www.boloji.com/perspective/080.htm When I was reading all these articles, I realised that destiny is something that has already been set for us...our mere presence is meant for a reason..that every single word we utter or person we meet is meant to happen!!!

However, when I introspect, I realise that for me, destiny is the destination..not my journey...destiny to me, is what I will eventually do in my life..not how I do it. I know that I am here for a reason..to contribute to the happenings and eventual end of this world in my own small way....but how I go about doing it, is completely under my control. "It was destiny, this was bound to happen" : are words that seem to confuse me whenever I hear them...is this a way of convincing ourselves and wallowing in our own mediocrity, a convenient excuse to refrain from trying harder the next time to succeed...? I have heard its usage in terms of a defeatist's attitude...but that is not what destiny is meant to be..what if our destiny lies in our trying harder and achieving the unachieved...what if great things are in store for us, but we have just found a work around from preventing ourselves from experiencing the thrill of it all? Madhavi added a new thought to this topic..she said that for her, destiny is, along with the destination, the choice of paths offered to her to reach the end....the paths are all there...all leading to the same end...however, which one she chooses is under her control..and that is the unpredictable aspect of life.

Finally, I am YET to find an answer to this...what did Nehru mean when he said that India had its tryst with destiny? What did Martin Luther King mean when he said that the black americans must stop accepting the injustice as their fate? What did Lance Armstrong mean, that take destiny by its horn, not by its tail?.....

2006-06-14T03:10:00.000-07:00

Why Be NICE!!!

I have a question....does anybody have the answer to WHO defined what exactly was- 'being NICE'? Who defined what sort of behaviour can be classified as "good" or "bad"? My answer is that it was one BIG loser whose feelings had simply taken one hell of a beating! Think about it..if you had been ignored or insulted or belittled..if your feelings had been squashed like an orange, or if your ego was severely deformed to the size of a peanut, you might have come up with, what YOU think, would send people directly to hell or heaven or somewhere inbetween! Frankly, sometimes I do not want my life to be driven by such notions! Just because I might hurt somebody's feelings..or that I will seem like a perfect ahem.."la perra", I might be nice..no..let me put it as ...Tolerant..towards that individual! So..it now boils down to...I DO care about what people think about me..and because I have this "image" to live upto, I will have to be "nice"...grind my teeth and don a smile on my face..or atleast..feign interest when I am around that person.

There is this song "things they are a-changing" playing on my system right now and I cannot begin to appreciate the irony of it all....things are definitely changing..somehow the westerners seem to have mastered the art to completely disconnect themselves from formalities and niceties when it comes to their lives.."it is my life..so I will play by my rules" is the name of their game...however, out here, in the world of The Geetha, people follow the "my granny's uncle's dog's 8th pup from its 7th litter's owner might get hurt..hence I need to be civil to them" policy. I am not saying that it is a wrong sentiment..maybe that is what still retains the warmth and the bonding we have amongst ourselves..however, there comes a time when I simply cannot fathom living life this way...wondering who I shall be hurting next..or who I will be rubbing the wrong way- God forbid, they dont feed the poor dog its meal!! I have perceived a noticable difference with the way my younger siblings handle these pressures...they really dont give a damn about what others have to say..but I do think that all this will one day prove to be a costly mistake...networking, be it within family circles or friends, is of utmost importance...my goodness..now I am beginning to sound like my MOM!!!!

Anyway....not many events or social gatherings that I have attended have passed without my mom not fretting over my 'behaviour' - "please be nice...dont sulk..you wont LOSE a thing by being nice to them"- phew..if only I had a dime for all those instances!! But my point is...what would I GAIN by being nice to them...I would only drag myself deeper into this maze of civilities when I finally accompany 60 year old "prospective mothers-in-law" with a propensity to identify any girl who walked in skirts as their future daughters-in-law over 5 course meals!!!

There are certain people in my family who have been rather impertinent...and let me say..that I simply adore them for that...but am also envious of the fact that they have mustered the courage to do so...because, in my case...I foresee the wraths of all the zillion Gods that we have, ordering me to rot in hell with my slightest display of disinterest or seemingly rude intonations...sigh...so, eventually, I turn into one of the sweet little girls who is SO warm and fuzzy...uggh...make me seem like one of those toddlers' teddy bears!

Anyway...at the end of it all, I must confess that I am entangled in this vicious cycle wherein I shudder to be civil or polite, but also love the attention that I get during social gatherings...but sometimes I do wonder....will I ever have a single occasion to celebrate with just the people I truly care about and love, to attend?

2006-06-05T05:36:00.000-07:00

Face my fears...

I never ever quite comprehended the gravity of this line when it was spoken with all the solemness. However, a recent turn of events in my life has shown me how vulnerable we are, when one fine day we wake up to see our flaws and then HAVE TO muster the courage to face it, or else it will simply drag us away in its tide..away from our individuality...away from our beloved ones and away from our ownselves...leaving behind only an image of what we once were! The effect when one has to choose between continuing to remain ignorant of the problems and facing it to free ourselves from its clutches is one of the worst feelings ever! All the while, we perceive ourselves to be "normal" people with these problems being just adorable idiosyncrasies that everybody remembers about us...but as time wears on...this just grows on you..and you get addicted to such abnormalities and are left hopelessly unaware of methods to tackle this menace.

here i am looking out looking in

my eyes are open my mind's closed tight

i believe i know i need to let go

and i know i'm wrong but i think i'm right

so i shut you outand hear what i want to hear

and hide in my opinions

afraid to face my fear

face the fear

One will always have a really supportive family or concerned friends, but to gather all the strength and expose oneself to all our vulnerabilites is one of the most daunting tasks that one can make. I did this last weekend and it was the lightest I felt in a long time.....ok..problems and issues dont get resolved in one outburst...but a roadmap is defined for resolving the problems....however, I dont think I can ever live upto that person's expectations anymore...somehow I felt timid and insignificant and rather insipid while I narrated my feelings...

there you are reaching in reaching out

your arms are open,

your heart's closed tight

you believe you know you have to let go

and you think you won't

but you know you might

so you close your eyes

and pretend you're no here

and hide in your secrets

afraid to face your fear

face the fear

and you close your eyes

i hear what i want to hear

and we hide in our suspicions

afraid to face the fear

face the fear

and i shut you out

you pretend you're not here

and we hide in our loneliness

afraid to face the fear

face the fear

We live in this world of make-believe wherein we imagine ourselves to be the same individuals we were when things were better...but as time wears on...we retain that mental image of ourselves..but in turn, would have changes SO much that we would have lost clarity and thoughts as to the sort of people we have turned into..and when that anamoly is pointed out to us...it feels like the whole world around us has simply collapsed..disintegrated to its smallest quanta of existence....but as I write this blog (frankly speaking..no idea why I wrote this..but from what I gather, there are many of us out there who have a lot of skeletons in our closet), I realise that I am not just one individual anymore..I have many personalities when I am with different people...but when I am with myself....that individual, I simply cannot identify with..and what lise ahead of me..is my chanllenge to face my fears....

2006-05-31T03:16:00.000-07:00

Why?....

The disparity..the belittlement...of a community that shapes our lives? I am talking about our teachers....as time has passed by...somehow, i seem to have lesser and lesser respect towards my teachers..but why so? Why did I develop such a feeling? When I think back...there are a couple of teachers who really inspired me and still do...both of us being unawares of the same! Of course, in undergrad, the quality also diminished tremendously...but I remember that even before I entered the first class, I already had a set notion that these people werent qualified enough to get placed in the industry..and hence...they are of "poor quality"..how arrogant could I get!!!! Each individual has choices to make..and they chose to teach!

This is beside the point that I am trying to make right now....why I chose this for my post is that my teacher from school, who taught me physical education for 10 years and also in the process trained and identified a dozen national level athletes quit his job this month. He visited me last night and broke this news...I was shocked, to say the least...I simply COULD NOT imagine school without him...he was, if not the most, a crucial factor to define my character and the person who I am today. If it werent for him, I would never have achieved half the things that fill my CV today..and he was leaving school!!!!! He loved the job...he had an eye to spot talent and was extremely passionate about his job...why...WHY did he have to quit? I nearly broke down when he told me this....so eventually I HAD to pose the question to him....and his reply broke my heart - "Lefty, I had no financial security in this job...I had to think of Blossom and Kevin (his kids) and my future as well...more over, the students had stopped respecting me for the work that I did..and the school authorities also didnt give sports any attention now"...WHAT THE!!!!! When he added that his students (now in their twenties) distributed house warming cards or brought him gifts from overseas, he was disturbed that even after working for nearly 20 years, he still couldnt dream of these luxuries. He actually said that he felt helpless and perturbed that he had remained blind to this fact for all these years...

"but master.....you loved this job...you cannot do this to yourself...to all the students who need you"..."who cares about teachers now lefty? We are the least paid professionals..and least respected as well. I even considered the possibility of going abroad where teachers are respected..but I felt that I was needed here..now when that opportunity is shut...I had to take a decision....it isnt like I am envious of all your success, but it was an eye opener for me to support my children to lead such a life..being a govt teacher, it would have never been possible. I have spent sleepless nights musing over this..and this was the hardest decision that I have ever taken". Sigh...what can I say...why the hell does our education system suck so much? With all the reservations, changing exam patterns and stinking pay scales of govt teachers, I am extremely apprehensive of the quality of youth over the next 20 years! The govt is just interested in filling up vacancies in various teaching positions, be it through nepotism, reservation or simple "payments". With low pay scales, obviously the qualified individuals would never choose to lead a life of penury and disappointment...even if they were passionate about teaching, most of them would prefer travelling to the US/UK univs and impart their knowledge with much better infrastructure and relatively decent packages. In order to gain more information about this topic, I came across this rather interesting article regarding the state of corruption in education http://www.educationworldonline.net/eduworld/article.php?choice=prev_art&article_id=370&issueid=30. This repulsed me even further!!

But as a society, there needs to be an awareness created amongst the public to take up the initiative and offer different solutions to this problem plaguing our mindsets...either financial solutions or radical emotional awareness. The time has passed when the govt can take a rational path...frankly, I would be very apprehensive if the ball falls into their court once more...actually, they should be disallowed from playing in this match altogether!!!! Until I find a reasonable explanation to this, I simply cannot get over the fact that amongst all the careers I dreamt to take up, teaching never crossed my mind (even when I was told that I instructed very well) and always took up my teachers' presence for granted. Even though my mom is a teacher, she was never the "bread-winner" at home, so for me, this profession was something people took up to do if they had the time and inclination to make better use of the same.

But Master Robert...thank you for all that you did...I cannot begin to describe the influence you have had on me...you have been one of the very few people I have looked upto...good luck in anythingyou do..and I will pray for you...but until I find an answer...I continue to wonder why......

2006-05-28T22:46:00.000-07:00

Hecho en india....

Maybe I am a traitor (to all the cricket lovers), a mouthpiece (to all the non-cricketers) or just a biased individual (to all those who love sports) but I have to admit that this morning's newpapers and the internet have brightened my day:

- India lost to the West Indies (high time they realised that complaining of burnout cannot serve as an excuse for a highly complacent preparation for an international level tournament) and what a wipeout it was - 4 to 1 knockout...Way to go Windies, thanks for blowing the wind off these bloated egos!

- Saina Nehwal became the first woman to win a 4 start shuttle badminton tournament- Phillippines Open.

- Rathore regains form to win the Cairo shooting championship. (old news, i know...but I read a lot of details just this morning)

- Barkha Dutt also voicing the same opinion and sharing the same concerns of mine regarding our very own Guerrouj- Budhia http://www.ndtv.com/columns/showcolumns.asp?id=1036.

- Brazil and Japan bringing in their footballers (street or competitive) to display their prowess in India.

Yeah, I know that the French Open has begun for the first time on a Sunday..the invincible Federer was made to sweat..Hingis claimed that she will go a long way in the tournament....blah blah.... Croatia winning the world team cup (being a Goran fan, I must confess that this was great news!) but somehow all that seemed so trivial compared to the news of India's performance and involvement in various other low profile sports. Saina's win in the Phillippines Open was such a whiff of fresh air especially after Aparna Popat's setback with the d'Cold incident (after which she has struggled to regain her previous standing). What was even more refreshing was that this young success has absolutely no financial and emotional burden when it comes to pursuing her game - BPCL is taking care of her travel fee and Mittal Sports fund (which, by the way is encouraging great talent) catering to her training fee and any other accessories that she may need - this news came as such a relief to me, because it was nice to know that forays are already being made into sports apart from the over exposed cricketing fraternity. When I read excerpts of her interview, I could actually feel her energy and 100% commitment she had towards her game bexause there is nothing else to worry about. She has a world class coach (our 2nd All England Championship champion, Pullella Gopichand) and her entire badminton fratrnity suporting her; really, what ELSE can a sportsperson ask for! Then it was our Olympic Champion's turn (with Globosport arranging all his sponsors)- Rathore-whose only "aim" in life is to hit the bull's eye and makes it seem like child's play. The sheer guts and nerves of steel that he displayed in Cairo quelling his Chinese compatroit's challenge was one for the history books. Then there are the Brazilian and Japanese football associations trying to break new gorund and even hunt for talent right in our own streets! It was good to see various organisations taking up such initiatives and encouraging such events. So what if they have "ulterior" motives for the same, so what if they are cashing in on all the publicity and hype around the world cup..it is still good to see people talkng about sports other than CRICKET!!! Now, that was a great series, huh? 4-1...and yeah..they have great chances to win the world cup!!!! I really wouldnt like to comment on that..simply because I have the same reasoning as Gavaskar..if they are really passionate about the game, a question of burnout simply doesnt arise! They'd better stop acting like pampered overgrown babies! Geeeeeez! Anyway...I was just checking out the latest news when I came across this column of Barkha Dutt's. Extremely good reading ..and needess to say, presented all her ponts in a very crisp and hard-hitting manner...thanks Barkha for putting things so clearly..I cannot agree more with you!

All in all, what I see that sportspersons "made in India" are growing to be of exportable quality :) and I would love to see more! The Indian sporting fraternity should be able to garner a lot of interest and investment from global markets..and hopefully the day shouldnt be too far!

2006-05-23T04:20:00.000-07:00

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

This question always leaves me at a loss for words....for how is one supposed to respond to this question...I mean..think about it..it is SUCH an abstruse question...are you suposed to answer keeping your health in mind..or is it your job..or is it your mental wellness..or after the stock market crash-your financial wellness!!! Do we need to put a filter on each individual and say...ok, I know you from work, so I guess I will reply with a 'Not bad...just done with this feature'...or ok, so this one I know from the gym..should I say 'great!! gained a kilo over the last month'...or if it is a relative...better keep them at arm's length..and reply..'Well, the last time I checked, I was mentally ill with a notrious trend to kill middle aged, over weight inquisitive aunties'!

In school, we were drilled with the response 'I am fine, thank you. And you?'....what the heck...even the world's greates optimist cannot say that ALL the time! If Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S would ask me that...then I would have responded with an "excuse me" for sure..(ok..long story..but a few guys will know what I am hinting at!)...If I pose this question to others, generally I would have switched off even before they would reply to my query..I know it is rather shallow on my part..but well, there are other things to discuss..stuff I want to talk about..and frankly, everbody knows that this isnt a question MEANT to be taken seriously. I remember this one story of my dad's. When our neighbour asked him this question, he promptly replied with a "not bad, thank you" reply and pushed off to college. This elderly gentleman panicked, because he came from a generation that put a lot of thought before replying to anything, and rushed home...and duly informed my granny that "Mrs.Vishweshwariah, I do think your son is not in the best of spirits. He seems rather unhappy with the way things are progressing with him. The blighter is really down in the dumps!!". Needless to say, my granny, unaware of what had transpired between them fretted the whole day and might have even shed a tear or two, and unloaded all her anxiety on my dad as soon as he stepped home. The rest of the evening my poor dad spent convincing her that he was not into drugs, had no girlfriend, had passed all the tests and had no shady, under hand dealings up his sleeve. In hindsight, however, he wishes he had done atleast one of them..LOL!

So..back to the topic, I am still wondering what the correct response would be....maybe I would just smile the smile of a Checshire cat and grin my way out...or stare moodily at the person and say.."what is the universe, you think...a random, chaotic turn of events, whose next event, in all probability would solely depend on my state of wellbeing...."...or must I reply with "what do you think Einstein!". Anyway, this is something that I need to work on...coz I have never been able to give the right answer to this....and have obviously left a trail of bemused/ worried/clueless faces on my way! Until the next time, think of your replies to this query!!!

2006-05-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

BACK TO SCHOOL???

I must admit that summer makes me nostalgic. Ok...technically, monsoon has already made its presence felt, but even so, I have to pen my thoughts when I think of "summer". Walking along Sankey Tank, I feel my eyes growing misty and I am not exaggerating this....it happens to me EVERY single time....the canopy of gulmohars, spring blossoms and the lush green foliage remind me of all those times I walked back home from sports practise at 2.00 or 3.00 in the afternoon (having left home at 6.00 in the morning) wincing at the thought of being at the receiving end of my mom's rather voluminous vocabulary, but also excited that I could spend the rest of the day reading and playing/chatting with Gauri and my dad.....with absolutely NO HOMEWORK!!! Then my thoughts would wander towards my practise routine for the next day which I couldnt wait to begin-My coach used to come up with the most innovative practise ideas and used to take me to cross country runs at his whim and fancy ..."Lefty..chalo...lets jog till Jakkur and come back..mummy knows you will be late right..;) " - that was enough to make me prance around like a small child who had discovered Charlie and his chocolate factory!!! All the games of cricket, volleyball, dodge ball, handball...name it..and I played it!!!! So, summer basically meant play..play..and MORE play!! Who cared about getting roasted under the sun or catching a stomach bug-what with all the gallons of tap water that would be guzzled down like beer- those WERE THE DAYS!!!!

While in school, I remember people telling us that those were the best days of our lives..and we could only scoff at them...for apparently no reason..I guess it was peer pressure that made me act so!!! I have to admit folks, I cannot agree more with all of them who share this view. I realised that there are some of us who would just love to be students all our lives..who actually enjoy studying for exams (those innumerable time tables that I made..if only I had studied instead of planning them..and then making them..and then re-planning them...phew!). At work, the idea of "performance appraisal" is so incongrous...the politics, the varying standards, the hidden agendas- all these just leave a pathetic taste in my mouth- the dispassionate, clinical method of working just wrenches my inners! Why do we complain about the long hours we pend at work when we had no problems spending 8 hours non-stop in class and then bear those interminable special classes and also make it a point to come early to school and leave really late... why didnt we complain then? Why didnt we mind all the trials and tribulations of exams? Why did we enjoy all that competition and rigours of various club activities? My question, simply put is why didnt we grumble about the 12-14 hour days while we were in school? What is different now that makes people talk about stress, tension, burnout? I have one answer- INTEREST and PASSION. These 2 things that I simply cannot identify in my work place. Of course, there are very many around me who are extremely busy, but never, not even ONCE have I heard a word of pleasure or contentment with what they do! They have simply turned into machines who are being paid for something that simply makes no difference to anybody or anything. There is no direct impact of our work that we see...unlike doctors or even teachers or sports coaches who immediately see a world of difference from their contribution to society!

At then end of the day, I know that given a choice between a fat paycheck doing stuff that makes one regurgitate all the food consumed and going back to school/anything that involved our passions, we would definitely choose the latter! Can you imagine the magnitude of difference one could make in this world if we were driven only be our passions? If we are passionate about anything, then obviously we shall excel in it and needless to say, a mouth watering emolument will follow....so, maybe we need to sit down for a minute and reconsider the decisions we have taken..things can never be too late....as for me...I still miss my playground..and school is all I can see myself heading towards!

2006-05-12T05:22:00.000-07:00

GUESS WHO IS BACK!!!

Well....well...well....what a glorious week this has been...!!!! I have just returned from one of the most refreshing holidays I have had in a long time.....and it was my folks...in hindsight, I realised that I had not spent quality time with them since I joined work! Now..that is definitely what I call a GOOD LIFE!! But what the heck...now we are back on track..things are looking better..and I am determined to keep it this way...I had forgotten the brilliant one-liners of my dad's-something that would drive me into fits each time I heard them...we call it "the today's"..and mind you, on this trip, "the today's" had turned into a torrent of innuendos and witty anecdotes!!- I had forgotten how much my mom rocked in sports- she is one terrific sportsperson. I watched her in awe while she was playing TT/carrom/pool- I had conveniently shut out how willful and determined my granny is- mind you, aged 80 she actually climbed 100 steps without taking a break!- I had forgotten how mesmerised and tongue tied my uncle would leave me whenever he recaled his storied from his life in the army- his stories on the Sikh regiment still drive me into fits of laughter- I had forgotten what "girl talk" was all about- Gauri, Achu and I were busy catching up on marital bliss, occupational hazards and childhood remniscences...phew..I really miss those days..I really do...felt like the kid I was..playful, impetuous, ready to prove a point..."wanna bet" and "as if"s galore!! And the latest addition to our family..Saketh..Gauri's husband..geez he is actually her HUSBAND!!! anyway..the chap is a delight..a treasure, actually...he was so comfortable amongst us...which is quite a lot to say for the rather dysfunctional family of ours...:-) trust me..we are as weird as they can get....REALLY!!!

Hmm..I just realised that I have rattled on endlessly without mentioning where I had been....Well, the last 3 days and 3 nights were spent in Coonoor...a hill station 30 kms from Ooty- a rather secluded one at that- we spent a large amount of the time in Kurumba Village resort- worth every single penny you pay for your stay..check out its website; Though it doesnt boast of much, it really sticks to its "resonate with nature" theme... http://www.kurumbavillageresort.com/. The pool was such a welcome break from the heat in Bangalore, being the hydrophobe that I am, simply loved it..!!! Says a lot about the place itself. The cottage I was staying in was breathtaking...my balcony -the rooms, by the way have been decorated very aesthetically to suit the surroundings in wood and warm pastel shades adorn the walls through and through; basically sticking to the principle of a relaxed and soothing ambience- opened into a beautiful waterfall and one could easily jump into the water if one could jump over the balcony..and needless to say..that was the first thing I did!! Through the entire trip, Sak helped me identify atleast half a dozen species of birds- the coppersmith, bulbul, robin...dammit...I dont remember all their names now!! If my cousins shut up-a hard thing to do...but when they did- I could hear a beautiful sy,phony of the birds and the waterfall of course, the crickes helped jazz things a little!!! And to top it all...this resort was strategically placed inbetween the legs of the "sleeping pregnant woman".. :D . Ok..so that was enough for my dad to crack a zillion jokes- of course, all of which cannot be written here- that even the deadly ghats couldnt keep us from being DOA (dead on arrival)!! "Great mid wives, here, I must confess" is all he had to say!!!

So...the entire time we spent in gorging delicious meals and then burning it all up in the pool....it is a sight to behold...takes the contours of the hills and is open to the sky...amazing experience if you just manage to float awhile. So, we religiously followed a breakfast-pool-lunch-pool-tea-TT-dinner-chat routine....sigh...and the only thing that I could think of on the last day was that I HAD to return...simply HAD TO with someone special and share these delightful moments with....it is a place to cherish...a holiday to treasure and memories to inspire me to take more of such holidays....I needed this week of isolation in order to unclutter my head....prioritise a lot of things in my life....and experience the humbling presence of those luminous stars and serene hills surounding me....

But it is back to work today...my colleagues thought that I was rather jobless to be taking such vacations..but screw them all..I want a life..and I DO NOT want to turn into those lifeless geeks that infest Bangalore right now..I am sorry guys..but I really do not want to be a part of the band wagon..ok..k...I will stop this train of thought right now and treat myself with some milkshake...so until the next blog...Hasta La Vista...

2006-05-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

THERE WE GO AGAIN!

I continue with the topic I posted previously on the child prodigy Budhia singh. I am glad of one thing..the amount of interest this kid has generated amongst the public..however, what disappoints me is that the same public is once again passing the buck and leaving it to the government to handle... http://www.hindu.com/2006/05/05/stories/2006050506091000.htm. The concern they raise regarding Budhia's tender age and the stress his body will go through is completely warranted, but at the same time, one simply cannot make grand and eloquent statements that "The Central and State governments must facilitate his growth path"...oh come on!!!!!!! We all know this..and have been saying this for more than a decade now...but what has come off it? Nothing...!!! Zip, zero...nil!!!!!!! The one chap who gave him support and encouragement is being victimised by child welfare organisors....ladies...wearing khadi/cotton sarees with enormous bindis on your foreheads walking in kolhapuri chappals DOES NOT give you the right to condemn and wag petulant fingers at people who DO care...stop emulating Medha PAtkar..she is in a league of her own ..and start thiknig in terms of what YOU can do to the kid...not what NEEDS to be done.. If you think you know how to make things better for him, take the initiative..go ahead and do it...send him to the best sports analysts' team...ensure good training for him in the best of facilities...burn your energy in that direction and cry yourselves hoars there..dont take the poor child's case to court....he DEFINITELY doesnt want to be there..!!!

Coming back to the issue of SAI providing training...they once again dont take in children under 10 years of age..I know it..I have been there..so now what...Budhia..enjoying his "childhood" stays at home playing gilli danda and lagori???? NO!!! Look around and see the famous sportsmen..very rarely have we seen them weilding a raquet or a cricket bat after the age of 10...they have all been nurtured and trained from a tender age...so..now the likes of Sachin, Steffi, Tiger...have been safely tucked away in our memories...because they havent "burned out"..yeah right!!! Folks..we need to start thiniking out of the box and stop passing the buck..because if the govt comes in, then Budhia's career is finished even before it has begun..convenient position, dont you think, to blame the govt YET AGAIN...all thanks to your own complaceny...!!!! Late Pramod Mahajan had rightly said...IT and biotech are going great guns because the government still hasnt joined their party!!!

2006-05-03T07:02:00.000-07:00

GOOD LUCK BUDHIA!

This morning on my way to work..my head was cluttered with mixed emotions...one of elation and the other of apprehension...the newspaper had a tiny mention of a 5 year old kid from Orissa who had created history. Ok, unlike the usual pre-nursery kids...this young one couldnt rattle the names of capitals of all nations nor identify flags nor spell 13 letter words without hesitation-something any Indian family would be proud of-he had simply run a distance of 65 kms in a record time of 7 hours! [the link to this article is this : http://www.hindu.com/2006/05/03/stories/2006050308871200.htm]

Can you imagine..a tiny tot, under the blazing sun....running such a long distance!!! Such grit, determination and stamina can be seen only in a select few...a select few who have reached the echelons of the sporting community....be it long distance running, triathlons or cycling....Hicham EL Guerrouj, Kenenisa Bekele, Haile Gebreselassie, Lance Armstrong, are just to name a few...superior athletes who have displayed such strong traits from a very young age. So..why was I facing suhc emotions...my first reaction was that of joy..which turned into amazement..which turned into apprehension....this kid has displayed such brilliance..but does our country recognise such talent....Suddenly I saw a picture of this kid turning into the most popular newpaper boy who could deliver record number of newspapers in no time...pessimist that I am....this seemed like the farthest he could go to gain popularity and "fame"...somone who had to make news..was just delivering it each morning!

I am one who is completely demystified with Indian sports authorities and organisations involved in it. Greed, petty politics and reservations seem to be the order of the day...somethings that havent changed for decades on end...individuals with the right heart somehow lack punch and are driven to the other side or just resign themselves to the routine of paper and administrative work. While I was an athlete..I remember waiting for nearly 6 hours just to get my Karnataka jersey and a pair of spikes for my events....our team travelled in a R Vs C compartment for 3 whole days to travel to Delhi on a ration of Rs.20 per head...this was in '95...however things werent any different in '98..of course, inflation had driven the amount to Rs.30 per head..so yippeee we could all treat ourselves to an extra glass of milk!!!!! I survived those trips only becasue my parents had given me some money to sustain myself...but there were quite a few of my team mates who didnt have that luxury either...staying in SAI hostels with 2nd hand shoes...this actually seemed like one long vacation....

So...coming back to my point...am I glad that such a star performer has been recognised....or am I unhappy that this kid has to face even harder and more trying times than those 7 hours of his life..I pray and hope that he doesnt rue the day he considered a possibility to claim the unchartered territory! Such examples just seem to kindle all the anger and resentment that I have towards these pot bellied monsters governing athletes' fates...But why blame only the administration? Indian families are also equally responsible for such a state of affairs..but this is a vicious cycle..until parents are guarenteed of the fact that their child will be taken care of, they would obviously not encourage them to pursue their dreams..and until then the organisations would say that familial support would never be provided for children to put in their best..

I foam at the mouth and rant and stomp around becasue at present I am helpless to change things..but I have my whole life to make a difference..and if I have to..then i have to do it NOW!!! Working in a software firm will just increase the width of my posterior..but will only shrink the size of my self image and soul!! It is high time some change be brought into this system before Budhia's vanish into thin air...and an era must be introduced wherein we will not learn the names of our natl champiions only during the olympics and then complain that they just dont perform....give them a chance...give them facilites...give them the honour and incentives...give them the emotional support...then you will hardly see a dope case or a sports scam...let them not turn into names which turn up at the vagues quiz shows or abstruse dumb charade games..let them become a part of our folklore and culture...our upbringing and daily headlines!!!!!!!!!

Cheers Budhia..I promise that I will definitely make a difference in the lives of kids just like yours...soon...very soon!!!!!!!!!

2006-04-28T03:57:00.000-07:00

Wow!! What a week this has been...tons of surprises and lot of introspection...hmm..my nerves seem to have gone on an overdrive over the last 7 days...
The surprises have all come from close quarters...over 3 days, I heard that 3 of my friends were getting engaged...one of them who has been my classmate and a great pal since I was 4!! The other was my cousin...and the 3rd was a friend of mine..but this hat-trick rattled me completely!! Girls whom I had shared so many of my experiences with, were ready to "settle down"..such a fatalistic way to put things into perspective..but anyway...they had decided that enough is enough...a companion is what they need now. I must appreciate the sense of responsibility and maturity they have developed so soon..but honestly, when I think of a companion, the first thing that comes to my mind ...is...A DOG!!! I mean...he wont be a liability..( :D), will behave himself..and give you an impression that he COMPLETELY understands what you are trying to say..now in case he began talking..then...I would seriously reconsider my decision of making him an integral part of my life!
So..they are now "settling down"..and once this news of settling down was announced in my family..that description would be pure anti-thesis to what was to transpire...panic calls, emotional blackmail (sniffles and sidelong glances ...the whole works!)..."you too need to take your life to the next step....their family is really relieved...these girls know what is best for them.."..HELLO!!! what is that supposed to mean? I get the factthat when one is 23-24..there is time to spend some exclusive time with your partner..and then build a family..but what if certain choices I have made do not align to these "norms"...am I wrong in choosing not to paint a final picture- of a happy couple (at 24) and a happy family (at 30)- am I being too arrogant when I say that I want a career?...I mean...these girls are one of the brightest people I know..who have the same, if not more dreams and aspirations..maybe they believe in themselves and know that this support is something that is going to fuel their dreams...it will work wonders in their relationships as well when their partner supports them in all their endeavours...then why is it htat I dread to take of such a _FINAL PLUNGE_? When I listen to them chat about their beaus..I see the excitement..fear...curiosity...for what life has in store for them...and that adrenalin rush has actually brought a lot more clarity in their plans as well. Buna, for example sounds so much more confident and gregarious than she has ever been in all the 19 years that I have known her....this marriage thing, I realise does work wonders!!
I had a conversation with Ajay yesterday that turned the spotlight on me..the topics turned philosophical and various questions that he posed to me made me shrivel up inside and realise that I was emotional disconnected from people who really cared about me. I was blunt, negative, insensitve to their needs and had discharged any sentiments that I had for my future...I was seeing everything in black and white..only 2 extremes that I am now familiar with..and no hues inbetween...maybe this was becasue I have gotten to be so self centred and snobbish that certain things..I brush off as being old fashioned or escapism!
Anyway...I am tired of this line of thought...a long weekend is here..and I am planning to catch up with the entire Seinfeld series while finishing a couple of books that have long been on my must-finish list. Monday is Labour Day..so CHUTTI from work...I might be staying over in my gran's place..so maybe the next time I blog..I will be in a much better frame of mind...so..until then...sayonara!!

2006-04-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

Ok...I have thought a lot about it...and have decided to change my blog name...it really needs a make-over...Well, the weekend has passed by...rather uneventfully though..spent entire Saturday morning cooking..(made some bendekaayi palya and thambooly)...and 2 of my firends came over to have lunch and we spent the entire afternoon reading "I have read that somewhere"..a novel written by our classmate Aswath aka Kodhi. It is simply hilarious mostly because it is only a select few who can identify the characters in this book. So after the reading session, which KP admitted- time-he hadnt spent even brushing up for his engg exams, Ajay and KP pushed off for him and I was on my way to my kick boxing lessons. I am so glad I finally took this up..it had always been a dream of mine to learn this form of martial art..because the co-ordination betweeen your hand and legs..and curiosity to see why street fighting was considered a "tough" art was driving me towards it. We had a Ninjutsu demonstration on Friday, by a 5th generation blackbelt holder, Nikolai...the techniques he showed us were so simple, yet effective..that it simply blew my mind away! Ninjutsu, I believe has 9 archived schools and around 105 unarchived schools. Kick boxing, btw is just 1 !!! So, I cant imagine how many techniques one can learn in a lifetime in Ninjutsu. All these art forms are more defensive rather than being offensive. They are based on the principle that one should resort to such physical harm only when faced by physical danger- makes sense- though not for the trigger happy youth we see oflate. Saturday's class was very interesting as well. My trainer showed different techniques to save ourselves when attacked with knives...and my goodness..there were SO many of them..he even showed us how one could judge whether an attacker is familiar with the weapon's usage by the way he weilds the knife. Some amazing tips give there....too good...I simply cannot wait for the next class!!
But this class has made me think about certain developments that have happened in my life as well. I recently read this book called "We need to talk about Kevin" by Lionel Shriver (a columnist in The Guardian), whose story line revolves around a kid involved in a school shootout. I dont know why ...but it made me think that no matter how well prepared is, in life, when confronted by an unknown enemy, all this training seems pointless. Sometimes the enemy can be oneself or a really close freind/relative. Saturday's shooting of Pramod Mahajan is also a point in case. He would have never-in his wildest dreams-conceive that his very own brother would shoot him in poin blank range. Such pre meditated, well planned and calculated actions really cannot be met with calisthenics of any sort...mental or otherwise! We are always trying to fight against the enemy we see...but what if we ourselves are our own enemies? Masochistic trends are somethings that can run amock in my life..and I am petrified with that thought. Soemtimes I wonder if I am trying to test my own threshold of pain...it is gory and unholy..but sometimes, true!
Ugh..ok...too much serious stuff happening today...I am stuck at work..with no end in sight..and it is rather boring....hmm..anyway...will have to get back...and try to make sense of all the gibberish I am reading!

2006-04-20T21:11:00.000-07:00

Hmm..I wasnt aware that the title of the blog is something that I am stuck with if my first blog has to make sense..now if that is the case..then my next few blogs must be related to the same to say the least..now if THAT has to happen..then I need to use all the expertise I had gained in clearing my Moral Science tests in school... :-P
Hmmmmmmmm...
Actually there IS something that has worried me over the last few days..and maybe I can share it in this space...When one talk about love..it is obviously innate in humans to exhibit such throes of passion...however, I wonder if being passionate about things is actually beneficial to a person..who suffers from obsessive compulsive disorders!!!! Why I say this is because I am filled with loads of complications and principles..(man! If only I had a dime for every single time someone has brought that to my notice!) ..and I am SO passionate about those things that I can successfully screw up something precious to me as well. For me, time is precious...I would love to fill all my 24 hours doing something productive...and "lazing around" is second to none when it comes to torture! Anyway, coming back to my point..last weekend was something of an eye opener to me...a couple of us friends had plans to spend some time together and I was all eager about that..it was fairly enticing because of the recent "house arrest" that we had all faced in Bangalore...so the day arrived..and time passed on...it was 11 in the morning..and there were no updates whatsoever regarding the rendezvous....it was 11 !!!!!!!!! I would HATE to sit at home waiting for updates....hell, I had the whole day in front of me...with a-what seemed to be-shaky plan. When I called up the blokes, they innocently replied that they were all in office!! Screw it...OFFICE!!! It was the weekend, it wasnt like I didnt have work to do..but COME ON...office! It was just at this instant I blew my top! When one has decided to change plans, hello....isnt it necessary to inform the rest of the people involved as well? We always have other things to do with our time..and cannot..simply CANNOT be expected to be at their beck and call. How one can take someone else's time for granted is simply beyond me...punctuality and responsibility is something I swear by...and if someone canot get it..then I really sont know how to react!
Why did I mention this?...oh yes....about passion...well, if something as trivial as this can cause evoke so many emotions..of helplessness..anger...restlessness....then I consider this to be the BEST fuel...inexhaustible...non-polluting fuel that can sustain us for years on end. When one truly believes in something, then -we must always know where to draw the line before it controls our lives- there can be no stopping us...really....because last weekend...before I knew it..I had completed so many pending tasks in no time..because I just wanted to find a way to vent my frustration..and voila..this weekend..I have no more "tasks"..my to-do list is empty..wow!! What a feeling...
To my friends...thanks a lot for last weekend..this weekend, I am all free..and you guys better not ditch me...yet again!!!!! Or else.......

2006-04-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

Awesome title for my first blog, eh? Well, you dont need to wear your thinking caps when I proclaim that "I am in love"..in love with my "abode" ..my "Bangalore" ! Yup..sorry to disappoint you folks, but Bangalore, simply takes my breath away.
It is 6 A.M and I am rushing out of my home (much to ajji's chagrin) just to catch the first rays of the sun. The splendid hues, birds chirping, and the fragrant smell of fresh blossoms are simply intoxicating to say the least. As I walk down, I meet the "usual" walking trio...wish them a really good morning (though their day is already made!!) and hop along. I often rant and rave that in my area of residence, I know the dogs better than their owners..and for once, I am glad!! Because I am left completely to myself to saunter around and not be disturbed by rather inquisitive "aunties" who raise an eyebrow at a rather skinny lass hopping along with a stupid grin plastered across her face! But this is what one feels like...heady...blissfully unaware of goings-on...captivated...lost in thought...when one is in love!! It is now 6.10 and I am very close to the gym, when I can get a full view of the sunrise right at a crossroad..and MY...the feeling at that precise moment in time is indescribable....No wonder I cannot begin to imagine days when I do not get to see this beautiful sight.
As I return from the gym, I am now greeted by a contrasting scene altogether. The sun is now "hot n happenin" and the same streets that were secluded (previously, I called it sepulchral!!) are now bustling with activity. It is only 8.A.M but there are newspaper boys, flower sellers, the dog walkers, car washers, et al. The chirping sound is now replaced with a myriad of languages..here are my thoughts.."..ok..understood one line..so, Deve Gowda is a scheming, cunniving ol' man, I agree!..but hey! which language am I hearing now!!!...Gujarati...haan, I agree, SouthHall is THE happening place in London..(he.he)..?...Marathi?..no idea..I give up..." and we talk about Bangalore getting more and more banal!!
It has only taken me 30 minutes on the streets of Bangalore to witness its quain, old world charm as well as its growing cosmopolitan stature. Endless debates, mindless developemnt and planning, needless scandals, inefficient governance are all things that I am ready to grin and bear only because home is where the heart is..and Bangalore....you win me over...every single day...I love you..I can never ..EVER leave this feeling behind.