Knotty subject
Ok, this has been an article floating around the promenades of the web for a few days now, but all this time it has been doing the rounds along my neurons too. My instant response to this survey that more women (educated too) are changing their last names to their husbands'....ladies, "what were you thinking!!", but then, it does solve so many problems, doesnt it?
Problems solved:
- Immigration: Why fill in 2 customs paperwork if we share the same last name...after an interminably long flight, the last thing groggy eyed travelers would not want to write their Passport, flight, customs details twice over! But more so, I see these 2 surname issue being a post-vacation "DOA"...."So you actually spent $500 on gifts for your office personnel, $300 on your mom, $100 on our dog!!".."I should have never snoozed on the beach and let you go shopping..$1500 for a purse smaller than my wallet! $500 for a pair of shoes...we didnt have to buy $300 worth orchids!!!" Oh well, you get the picture. Now if there was just one person filling in, then there would only have to be one apologetic spouse, one make-up evening and there, forgiven and long forgotten!
- Govt/Legal form applications: same last name? Cool! So you really wont have to worry about all the paperwork and proof of marriage id problems...but dude, try buying a house with 2 surnames, now we are talking! Make that 2400 places to sign and not 1200!!
- Personal address: Now comes the touchy subject to me...mail addressed to Mrs.Ravindra - whoa, I am turning into my MIL! She is a sweetheart, dont get me wrong, but my husband doesnt have an Oedipus complex, does he? I am my father's daughter, with a last name which a handful in the US can read without squinting and boy, am I proud of it!
What the women claim this move helps solve:
- Proof of Love, pride for husband: I think these ladies belong to the ones who tout these lines: "he completes me", "my life loses meaning without him", "he is an integral part of me"..fine then he has completed your surname too!!! These are wonderful feelings to have, I must confess, I have made those corny statements too (and what's even worse) and meant it! But that doesnt mean I skip to the nearest govt office and get my surname changed...ahem...no thanks! I know other ways to prove my love and (in my case, sullenly admit) gratitude.
- Making children's naming easier: Are you serious? If naming a child is so hard, then how would you raise one - what religion -will they be spiritual or religious? or what meat-eating variety would you raise them to be - or do you want them to go fruit-arian? There are harder things to resolve than a name...just ensure that you dont give the child such a pathetic name (like 2 surnames for a name - have you seen some Indian ones? I am so sorry for those kids!) ensuring they will be the butt of all their years in school...that is all. There are bigger parenting concerns than naming conventions!
- Team name!!! My colleagues did point out this one to be quite a mood buster. Kids will have to go through the "you poor thing, are your parents divorced?", "are they planning to get 'knotty'?"...well, you get the drift. Now that makes me think, if such questions are being posed to kids, then we are much better off not being in touch with such questioners!
Why do I oppose it - changing my surname, that is:
- Not militant feminist, but just suffer from 'id-ocd': Hindu customs require the bride to relinquish her family tree (aka gothra) and embrace her husband's instead...personally I am all against that too, because one event just does not merit a change of where I come from, who shares my genes, where I hail from, my ancestry, in short. It just doesnt make sense - I am not against social conventions of the kids taking over the husband's side...hell, I married him, there must be something terrific about him, so why not let the kids share that? However my OCD is around the fact that without my permission, my identity is taken away from me due to tradition/religion (just that merits another blog, anywho...) and if society thinks it is 'advisable' and 'acceptable' to change my one remaining link (my surname) to my origin, then fuggettabboutit! As you can see, my objection is not because of any 'men Vs. women' debate, but more so 'society cannot dictate' debate.
-Ok, a lot of my friends have taken all the benefits from my first-last name: having the same letter for my initials makes it quirky enough to call me...MM, MM squared, 3M, MMOhz....now imagine those being replaced by Malvika (yaaaawn, yes, thats my name, but yaaawn anyway), Mal (that is only for a select few, so sorry), MA (Ugh! In my mother tongue kannada, thats a bucolic way of calling a buffalo!), MMA (Goodness! Lets not go there)
I dont know what happens next, but if educated women are taking this one up, then I think this maybe because they feel like they are shortchanging their husbands with longer working hours and more demanding professions, better financial independence, higher pay grade, more popularity - having trophy husbands, succinctly put.... so....
Either the metrosexuals and equal opportunity ideals kick in stronger and society accepts a new norm of independent spirited families or more women tend to keep the sleeping tiger in deep slumber and tackle bigger problems, there is..
What I'd like though, if the current trend continues, is for men to wake up and smell the coffee....they need to brew a new cup for HRH..remember she changed her name for you? Can you also do the dishes, laundry, walk the dog, get the groceries, pay the bills, massage my back? - I changed my name, remember??? Now that's a Smart move ladies!
Yours Truly,
Malvika MANJUNATH
Problems solved:
- Immigration: Why fill in 2 customs paperwork if we share the same last name...after an interminably long flight, the last thing groggy eyed travelers would not want to write their Passport, flight, customs details twice over! But more so, I see these 2 surname issue being a post-vacation "DOA"...."So you actually spent $500 on gifts for your office personnel, $300 on your mom, $100 on our dog!!".."I should have never snoozed on the beach and let you go shopping..$1500 for a purse smaller than my wallet! $500 for a pair of shoes...we didnt have to buy $300 worth orchids!!!" Oh well, you get the picture. Now if there was just one person filling in, then there would only have to be one apologetic spouse, one make-up evening and there, forgiven and long forgotten!
- Govt/Legal form applications: same last name? Cool! So you really wont have to worry about all the paperwork and proof of marriage id problems...but dude, try buying a house with 2 surnames, now we are talking! Make that 2400 places to sign and not 1200!!
- Personal address: Now comes the touchy subject to me...mail addressed to Mrs.Ravindra - whoa, I am turning into my MIL! She is a sweetheart, dont get me wrong, but my husband doesnt have an Oedipus complex, does he?
What the women claim this move helps solve:
- Proof of Love, pride for husband: I think these ladies belong to the ones who tout these lines: "he completes me", "my life loses meaning without him", "he is an integral part of me"..fine then he has completed your surname too!!! These are wonderful feelings to have, I must confess, I have made those corny statements too (and what's even worse) and meant it! But that doesnt mean I skip to the nearest govt office and get my surname changed...ahem...no thanks! I know other ways to prove my love and (in my case, sullenly admit) gratitude.
- Making children's naming easier: Are you serious? If naming a child is so hard, then how would you raise one - what religion -will they be spiritual or religious? or what meat-eating variety would you raise them to be - or do you want them to go fruit-arian? There are harder things to resolve than a name...just ensure that you dont give the child such a pathetic name (like 2 surnames for a name - have you seen some Indian ones? I am so sorry for those kids!) ensuring they will be the butt of all their years in school...that is all. There are bigger parenting concerns than naming conventions!
- Team name!!! My colleagues did point out this one to be quite a mood buster. Kids will have to go through the "you poor thing, are your parents divorced?", "are they planning to get 'knotty'?"...well, you get the drift. Now that makes me think, if such questions are being posed to kids, then we are much better off not being in touch with such questioners!
Why do I oppose it - changing my surname, that is:
- Not militant feminist, but just suffer from 'id-ocd': Hindu customs require the bride to relinquish her family tree (aka gothra) and embrace her husband's instead...personally I am all against that too, because one event just does not merit a change of where I come from, who shares my genes, where I hail from, my ancestry, in short. It just doesnt make sense - I am not against social conventions of the kids taking over the husband's side...hell, I married him, there must be something terrific about him, so why not let the kids share that? However my OCD is around the fact that without my permission, my identity is taken away from me due to tradition/religion (just that merits another blog, anywho...) and if society thinks it is 'advisable' and 'acceptable' to change my one remaining link (my surname) to my origin, then fuggettabboutit! As you can see, my objection is not because of any 'men Vs. women' debate, but more so 'society cannot dictate' debate.
-Ok, a lot of my friends have taken all the benefits from my first-last name: having the same letter for my initials makes it quirky enough to call me...MM, MM squared, 3M, MMOhz....now imagine those being replaced by Malvika (yaaaawn, yes, thats my name, but yaaawn anyway), Mal (that is only for a select few, so sorry), MA (Ugh! In my mother tongue kannada, thats a bucolic way of calling a buffalo!), MMA (Goodness! Lets not go there)
I dont know what happens next, but if educated women are taking this one up, then I think this maybe because they feel like they are shortchanging their husbands with longer working hours and more demanding professions, better financial independence, higher pay grade, more popularity - having trophy husbands, succinctly put.... so....
Either the metrosexuals and equal opportunity ideals kick in stronger and society accepts a new norm of independent spirited families or more women tend to keep the sleeping tiger in deep slumber and tackle bigger problems, there is..
What I'd like though, if the current trend continues, is for men to wake up and smell the coffee....they need to brew a new cup for HRH..remember she changed her name for you? Can you also do the dishes, laundry, walk the dog, get the groceries, pay the bills, massage my back? - I changed my name, remember??? Now that's a Smart move ladies!
Yours Truly,
Malvika MANJUNATH
posted by MMmmm at 9:50 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home